20-40-60 Etiquette: Back off my man

20-40-60 Etiquette: A reader writes the 20-40-60 Etiquette team with concerns over a woman who was overly aggressive in speaking with the reader’s husband during a cocktail party.
by Helen Ford Wallace and Lillie-Beth Brinkman and Callie Gordon Published: June 23, 2014
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QUESTION: Recently I was at a cocktail party with my husband. I thought that one woman there was overly aggressive in talking to my spouse. Should I politely talk to her about it, or should I discuss it with my husband?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: WOW! Talk about awkward! Blow it off. I wouldn’t bring attention to it. But this is your marriage and YOUR husband. Do what you feel is best for your relationship. GOOD LUCK!

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Maybe the woman was just a chatty person by nature. Maybe she and your husband had a subject to discuss in common. Was she overly flirtatious? Did she try to get your husband away from the group?

Did she try to include you in the conversation?

Hopefully, you and your husband can talk it through afterward and you can share your fears with him and he can reassure you that he would never let a romantic relationship outside your marriage develop to devastating consequences.

I don’t think your issue is with her as much as it is with any imagined action by your husband.

Sometimes a person’s motives are more sinister, like trying to lead on the other person and away from their spouse.

However, sometimes a single person just enjoys a brief connection and conversation with a member of the opposite sex in order to get a different perspective without any bad intentions. I think this is best discussed with your husband so you two can work out any resolved fears on your part or distance on his.

In the best scenario, he will take the time to understand why you are asking and you won’t let your imagination see things that weren’t there.

HELEN’S ANSWER: While there are some overly aggressive women out there, most of them aren’t after your husband. Ignore it.

The less light cast on the subject, the better. This scenario probably happens a lot and is very innocent. Sometimes people get carried away with themselves. Or chalk it off to cocktails and laugh about it to yourself.


by Helen Ford Wallace
Society Editor
Helen Ford Wallace is a columnist covering society-related events/news for The Oklahoman. She puts local parties online with daily updates. She creates, maintains and runs a Parties blog which includes web casts. She is an online web editor for...
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by Lillie-Beth Brinkman
Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a Content Marketing Manager for the Greater Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce. She was previously an assistant editor of The Oklahoman
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by Callie Gordon
Freelance Writer
Callie Gordon, a graduate of the University of Oklahoma, is working at Chesapeake Energy in the Environment, Health, and Safety Department. She was previously an event coordinator for Chesapeake Energy.
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