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20-40-60 Etiquette: Celebrating a wedding for a first-time bride and second-time groom

20-40-60 Etiquette answers how to handle a small-town wedding where many people already celebrated the groom's short-lived first wedding a few years ago.
by Helen Ford Wallace and Lillie-Beth Brinkman Modified: March 16, 2013 at 9:47 pm •  Published: March 17, 2013

GUEST'S ANSWER: Kathy Walker, local volunteer and community leader: When a couple become engaged and the wedding invitations are to be mailed to family and friends, whether the guests of the bride or groom overlap is not relevant.

The bride's family and friends will want to send a gift, after all this is her first and — best scenario — only wedding. Also, friends of the bride and groom who had previously attended the groom's first wedding will want to send a gift to the bride.

However, I would hope that the groom's family is not expected to give him gifts this second time around and certainly his bride should understand. Members of the groom's family may want to share his celebration by giving the bride something personal.

Friends of the bride's family will want to host parties and showers. When it comes to compiling a guest list for the affairs, the bride should not be denied sharing her happiness with her friends and those of her parents. Perhaps she could celebrate with only one shower and then the couple could be honored at a dinner or brunch and she at a luncheon or tea.

After the wedding is over and the years fly by, the bride and groom will come to realize that love and understanding will become more valuable to them than all the possessions bestowed upon them for their wedding. However, they will forever remember their friends and family for supporting them when they joined their lives together.

Callie Gordon is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email For more 20-40-60 etiquette, go to

by Helen Ford Wallace
Society Editor
Helen Ford Wallace is a columnist covering society-related events/news for The Oklahoman. She puts local parties online with daily updates. She creates, maintains and runs a Parties blog which includes web casts. She is an online web editor for...
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by Lillie-Beth Brinkman
Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a Content Marketing Manager for the Greater Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce. She was previously an assistant editor of The Oklahoman
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