The bride's mother-in-law cannot make her write the notes and probably is mortified that this much time has gone by.
GUEST'S ANSWER: Hilarie Blaney, etiquette and international protocol consultant: Emily Post's Etiquette says “after three months, you are free to ask if the gift was received and you may ask the couple — or one of the parents — if you know them well.” In addition, “be sure to inquire in a tone of concern, not annoyance.” Your story says that the mother of the groom is your friend, and if asked with concern, she would not think you are a “complainer.” You will be doing her a favor; imagine how many others were treated the same way.
Although I have always received a thank-you note for a wedding gift, I have not been thanked, or acknowledged for baby gifts, ones that took time to mail to other states. I have decided not to send gifts to baby No. 3!
If the mother is a good friend, I would send a small gift, and if you are not thanked, I would tell her.
Callie Gordon is 20-something; Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email email@example.com. For more 20-40-60 etiquette, go to newsok.com/blogs/parties-extra.