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20-40-60 etiquette: Treating (or not treating) friends of friends who move to town

What to do about helping out-of-town friends of friend.
by Helen Ford Wallace and Lillie-Beth Brinkman Published: March 31, 2013

QUESTION: Not long ago, a friend of mine from Atlanta called to say that she knew a couple who she was close to was moving to Oklahoma City and asked if I could I give them the royal welcome. No problem. We had them to dinner in our home a couple of months after they arrived. I called a few times to make sure they were settling in OK. I asked the wife to lunch as I know moving to a new city can be lonely. Since that point, we have heard nothing from the couple. Should I follow-up with another invitation or assume they are making friends in their own social circle?

CALLIE'S ANSWER: That is very nice of you! If you enjoy spending time with her and would like to be friends of course extend an invitation. That being said, I feel like you have done your duty. She can contact you if she wants to.

LILLIE-BETH'S ANSWER: You've honored your friend and made an effort to make a new one. It's hard to move to a new city, and how nice they had someone like you to welcome them. It's too bad they didn't reciprocate your invitation or appreciate it. However, this is one of those situations where you can follow up if you'd like to continue to get to know them or drop your effort all together. If you talk to your initial friend, you can ask out of concern or curiosity how they're doing and if they've settled in OK. Then you might learn what happened to them.

HELEN'S ANSWER: Maybe the newcomer is still settling in or still unpacking boxes?

It was really kind of you to have them to your home and make them feel welcome. If you are having a large party, it would be nice to include them to meet some of your friends. If your other friend from Atlanta comes to visit, then you can all get together. That seems to be all you can do for now. It is time for them to take the next step in your friendship.

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by Helen Ford Wallace
Society Editor
Helen Ford Wallace is a columnist covering society-related events/news for The Oklahoman. She puts local parties online with daily updates. She creates, maintains and runs a Parties blog which includes web casts. She is an online web editor for...
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by Lillie-Beth Brinkman
Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a Content Marketing Manager for the Greater Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce. She was previously an assistant editor of The Oklahoman
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