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Richard Mize: A little trouble in store

Our mostly peaceful, 75-minute, $275 run to the store we just made is an outright miracle.
by Richard Mize Modified: February 21, 2014 at 6:10 pm •  Published: February 22, 2014

Some things in a marriage are non-negotiable for those who marry well past college age, say, in their 30s.

She WILL have to go to sleep with the TV on whether HE likes it or not.

He WILL have a cigar from time to time, whether she likes it or not.

She WILL insist that they, together, as a rational joint consumer unit, decide on a supermarket after careful analysis, over time, of selection, product placement, pricing, ease of traffic flow and other logical considerations.

He will go where he can find the pickled pig’s feet.

Or the sardines, or Ranch Style Beans, or Vienna sausages — or pick your own secret sin, men, you know you have one.

Most stores have me at meat.

Which is why for the past 16 years my wife has usually handled the shopping, leaving me to clandestinely, under cover of potential embarrassment to her, stalk the Man Aisles at some lesser, off-brand grocer (“off-brand” meaning “anything that is not her store”) to fill my manly gustatory requirements.

For quite awhile now, though, I’ve been encroaching on her territory, stumbling back into my bachelor shopping ways.

It all started quite innocently.

“Look, Hon, I stopped for some Viennies and thought I’d pick up this nice roast while I was at it. Save you the trouble.”

“Let me see that. … You paid that much?” she’ll say. (Price is almost always the source of tension. She’s for lower, always. I gladly pay for ease.)

Here we go. “I’ll be in the man room with a cigar,” I’ll say.

By the time the heavy aroma has dissipated enough for her to get close enough to continue her critique of my shopping skills, she’s forgotten about it. It’s not my fault that the double maduro stogey with the pungent Ecuadoran wrapper, my favorite, is affectionately known in my family as the “sheep (bleep) special.” It’s not my fault that it tastes way better than it smells to others.

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by Richard Mize
Real Estate Editor
Real estate editor Richard Mize has edited The Oklahoman's weekly residential real estate section and covered housing, commercial real estate, construction, development, finance and related business since 1999. From 1989 to 1999, he worked...
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