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David Stanley Ford

ADDICTION: Finding refuge for recovery
ADDICTION: Finding refuge for recovery

By Ann Kelley    Comments Comment on this article13
Published: July 28, 2008

MIDWEST CITY — Roy Lopez tangos with a love-hate relationship with alcohol — he loves to drink but despises what it does to him.

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'If you hang out with the right people, it's amazing how good your life can go.'
Jay Henson, Bethany man learning to live sober


Club Soda in Oklahoma City is only for people wanting to stay away from alcohol and drugs. BY SARAH PHIPPS, THE OKLAHOMAN

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Lopez, 45, has alienated family members, lost jobs, been evicted from homes and wound up in a hospital detox unit. Along the way, he’s had stints of sobriety lasting as long as a year.

“I’ve been in the recovery process for about 10 1 /2 years, which is another way of saying I’ve been relapsing for about that long,” Lopez said. “The difference this time is what I’m willing to do.”

Lopez gave up his apartment in April and bunks with seven other men battling alcohol and drug addiction in an Oxford House in Moore. Oxford House homes, with 2,500 nationwide, are geared to help those battling addiction learn to live sober.

The houses are not like conventional group homes or halfway houses for addicts. Oxford House homes are more like a fraternity, without the keg parties.

They’re run democratically by the people who live there, with each person in the house getting an equal vote on who moves in and who has to go.

All expenses are shared and there are fines for those that don’t keep up with their household chores.

Best of all, the homes are nicely furnished and in good neighborhoods, said Jackson Longan, an outreach services representative for Oklahoma’s branch of Oxford House.

“When you’re coming out of rehab, self esteem can be kind of low,” Longan said. “People trying to build confidence need to do it an environment that’s not going to depress them.”

Mark Harridge, 25, of Oklahoma City said after rehab, he moved out of his hometown and away from old friends who could sabotage his recovery. He’s been living at an Oxford House in Oklahoma City and been sober for about three months.

“The hardest part is carrying around guilt for the people that my (drug) using hurt,” Harridge said. “There are days when it really gets me down.”

He said being around other people battling the same demons helps.

“We go to movies and out to play pool — normal stuff,” Harridge said. “The difference is we might not be as good at pool as we remember we were, or at least thought we were while we were high.”

Jay Henson, 49, of Bethany said relearning to socialize sober is one of the hardest things about recovery.

Henson said he hit bottom in 2003 when his pregnant girlfriend overdosed on methamphetamine.

“Everything before that involved a bottle or a bag,” he said. “Then something snapped and little voice inside of me just said ‘what’s it going to take?’ ”

Henson said his weekends are spent at Club Soda, a nightclub for people wanting to stay away from booze and drugs. There he’s met other people trying to stay sober and has become the club’s regular disc jockey.

The club is open to all ages and adults often bring their children.

“If you hang out with the right people, it’s amazing how good your life can go,” Henson said.

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David Stanley Ford


Related Topics: Health and Fitness, Mental Health, Drug Addiction, Addiction and Recovery


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Cassie, I am glad you can understand and respect your mistakes when you do make them, as I am the same way. I hope you enjoy your day as well. And I agree, we will continue to disagree about this until we die. All we can do is learn from our mistake and pay for them.
R?, Tulsa - Aug 1, 2008 at 9:37 am
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Okay Russell, I am sorry that your experiences in life have made you that way. I will cut it at this, forgiveness is NOT weakness. I never referred to relying on anyone else for what you end up with in life. I am glad and happy for you that you are content with the way things turned out for you, and you can breath easy knowing so. As for myself, I strive to be better every day that I am given to do so and hopefully along the way with my forgiving heart I can teach someone else to be humble and gracious. If not, I made an effort and someone, somewhere has been effected, even if it was just from reading our back and forth posts. Have a wonderful day Russell, we just simply disagree. No hard feelings? I never meant to insult you and I may have been a little judgmental in the beginning. That was my mistake.
Cassie, Moore - Jul 29, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I have done wrong in my past, I do not deny that. But I have never expected anyone to forgive me, or even give me anything. Everything in my life I have worked for on my own. That’s the key. Never expect anything from anyone. The only person you can really count on and trust is yourself. Look at any situation where you were let down by someone. And that is a fact. I have made the mistake before of relying on others, and every time it has backfired on me. When I sold real estate, I handled every bit of it on my own, because I could count on anyone else. And it turned out great for me. And you asked why did I encourage not forgiving? Because if I forgave someone like that in article, it would show I am weak and have no backbone in my opinion. It would open a door to which I would slowly become everyone’s doormat with which to walk on. I am not that kind of person Cassie. And we will have to disagree on my realistic worldview. To you I seem calloused and harsh, but in my experience, I have had to be that way. And there is beauty in the world. I have a Jaguar E-type that is very beautiful. My cat is beautiful. Human nature is not beauty.
R?, Tulsa - Jul 29, 2008 at 11:50 am
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All I am saying is have a forgiving heart, surely you have done wrong in your 50 years and someone forgave you. I know at the end of my life when it is all over, I don't have an enemy in this world right now and I can go to my grave knowing that I have not harbored any hatred in my heart and I forgave all the ignorance in the world that I felt wronged me. People are so unforgiving anymore and the next generation is brought up having no feeling and compassion, they are cold and do wrong to others, its a cycle, it just keeps going. Maybe I am the naive one to think I can change the world with my opinion. It just really got me when I seen your posts telling someone he should never forgive...like I asked before, why encourage unforgiveness rather than forgiveness? As far as reading your posts and them being realistic...I may be way off base, but you seem a bit calloused and harsh and don't seem to see much beauty in the world, but rather focus on alot of the negative...but I guess its all in the news. And in my opinion, people do know what the "right" thing is, they are trained by society based on what society accepts and the action and consequence theory...If everyone only worried about themselves and nobody reached out to touch another's life in some way for the better, what a boring, even more hateful place it would be.
Cassie, Moore - Jul 29, 2008 at 11:22 am
I do not know where all of Charlie's posts went either, but something did smell fishy when he said his son was being held for 12 life sentences for rape? Something didn't add up. Anyway, Cassie, there is no need to feel pity for me, that would be a waste of energy. If you have been reading my posts for the last several months, you would see I try my best to be realistic about life. I try and cut out all the 'fat' of life and see it for what it really is. I would want the world to be a happy, caring, wonderful place where people do not kill or hurt one another, but that simply will never happen. Human nature will not let it happen. Most people do bad things for good intentions, and that is where the fabric of human society will always be stained. People cannot learn to do the right thing, because they have no astronomical idea what the right thing is. So, in short what I am saying is the best thing a person can do for himself to make it through this world is to support themselves and be on the defensive against society. I'm almost into my 50's, and learning that secret alone has carried me to the successful life and happiness I lead now. So don’t feel pity for me, Cassie; feel pity for others who do not understand that they can not just hope and wish the world will turn out ok, but rather they have to make the world work for them and play the advantages.
R?, Tulsa - Jul 29, 2008 at 10:46 am
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Russell, I have read so many of your responses and over the last few months I have seen nothing impressive about your over-all demeanor, I feel pity for you and the way that you think. To never forgive someone is only doing damage to your own life. But hey...I guess some people can live with that, it takes all kinds to make the world go around. Ya know, if more people took the energy it takes to hate and devote it to making a difference, WOW, what a different scene that would be. It takes a special breed to encourage hate in this world already filled with so much trash. I never once said that there should not be consequences, there should be and if penalties were a little stiffer and the youth of today were punished a little harsher, then offenders might eventually get the message. Unfortunately we are an over tolerant country and it doesn't work the right way. There is hardly a lesson learned from a mistake anymore. Charlie, for some reason all of your posts are gone, I am not sure if you were offended by me encouraging you to be forgiving, its not my place, just my opinion. I do wish you well with the situation, as I said, I have been there just recently, my brother was locked up in county jail for 3 years solid on murder charges that all of the sudden, they found him innocent and dismissed all charges...3 years wasted and he had to miss the birth of his daughter and 2 years of her new life. They got the actual person convicted to life in prison, but still, all because a woman called the police and said it was my brother, he lost everything for it. I do understand. But I can't hate anyone.
Cassie, Moore - Jul 29, 2008 at 7:09 am
Russell, I have read so many of your responses and over the last few months I have seen nothing impressive about your over-all demeanor, I feel pity for you and the way that you think. To never forgive someone is only doing damage to your own life. But hey...I guess some people can live with that, it takes all kinds to make the world go around. Ya know, if more people took the energy it takes to hate and devote it to making a difference, WOW, what a different scene that would be. It takes a special breed to encourage hate in this world already filled with so much trash. I never once said that there should not be consequences, there should be and if penalties were a little stiffer and the youth of today were punished a little harsher, then offenders might eventually get the message. Unfortunately we are an over tolerant country and it doesn't work the right way. There is hardly a lesson learned from a mistake anymore. Charlie, for some reason all of your posts are gone, I am not sure if you were offended by me encouraging you to be forgiving, its not my place, just my opinion. I do wish you well with the situation, as I said, I have been there just recently, my brother was locked up in county jail for 3 years solid on murder charges that all of the sudden, they found him innocent and dismissed all charges...3 years wasted and he had to miss the birth of his daughter and 2 years of her new life. They got the actual person convicted to life in prison, but still, all because a woman called the police and said it was my brother, he lost everything for it. I do understand. But I can't hate anyone.
Cassie, Moore - Jul 29, 2008 at 7:07 am
Let's just hate every grouping of people that has ever done anything bad, and keep upping the budget for DOC every year until there are more inside the fence than outside. Statistically, I think about one in ten Oklahomans has a connection(past or current) with criminal behavior, so I guess at some point we can just throw up a fence around the whole state. That ought to cure the dang problem...
Kevin, Oklahoma City - Jul 28, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Charlie, I would never forgive her if I were you. But what lies did she tell that would get your son life in prison? Did she tell police that he murdered someone?
R?, Tulsa - Jul 28, 2008 at 1:05 pm
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Right Charlie, I am agreeing with you. She deserves to pay for what she has done. She deserves to loose everything she has and never see the light of day again. Granted, your son should have never have gotten married in the first place, but that is irrelevant at this point. I can hope the best for your son, and hope the worst for her.
R?, Tulsa - Jul 28, 2008 at 1:00 pm
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I agree with Charlie, we have to let those who make bad decisions live with the consequences. Charlie, I'm sorry to hear your son went through all of that because of a deadbeat girlfriend. She deserves to wither away in jail for the pain she has caused you and your family. But for those that continually abuse drugs and alcohol deserve no help from those of us that choose not to destroy our lives. I wish the best of luck to you Charlie, and will continue to hope that people will curtail this BEHAVIOR and learn from it.
R?, Tulsa - Jul 28, 2008 at 10:54 am
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I am sorry for what your family has gone through Charlie, my family has gone through something of the same effect except a life was lost though it. I found it hard for many years to not harbor hatred in my heart for it. I do in fact pity them instead as I have grown to understand that addiction and alcoholism is a disease that nobody WANTS, it just happens. I think that the programs such as the Oxford house are wonderful for support and recovery. It is wrong that she seems to be rewarded for her bad decisions, but she will get hers in the end, if you can, try to be content knowing that and pray for her. It is probably a good thing that she has not had her children returned to her. You said it yourself in your statement, "drugs or pure evil (which drugs are pure evil) mader her do to him and us." I am assuming that you all loved her as did your son when they were married and prior to the drug abuse, so you have to know that without the dope, there must be a good person somewhere. Drugs and alcohol change people into something evil that even they don't want to be, remember that. It takes alot of energy to hate someone rather than to forgive them and feel at peace within yourself. Good luck to you and your family.

from, someone whos been there.
Cassie, Moore - Jul 28, 2008 at 10:38 am

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