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Are we failing in love?

John Gray answers readers' questions about their relationships.
By John Gray Modified: October 30, 2012 at 11:59 pm •  Published: November 1, 2012

Dear John: My boyfriend “Ron” and I have a great relationship. Our only problem is his ex, who is also the mother of his children. She will not let him go, and insists that I stole him from her. If I try to talk to her, she only wants to fight, which I feel is silly because we are both grown women. Ron feels it is not his problem and does not want to do anything to improve the situation. I think maybe he should give her closure on this issue.

— Hoping to Do the Right Thing, in Daytona, Fla.

Dear Hoping: Ron walked out of her life. This action spoke volumes to his ex, and at this point in time, anything he says to her will only add more pain to that wound.

She is angry and bitter. Until she chooses to address these feelings, all of you — Ron, his children, his ex and you — will feel her pain as well. Sure, you might find it comforting if Ron set her straight, but you should know that he is reluctant to confront her on her treatment of you because he wants to keep his relationship civil most likely because of the kids.

This may not be pleasant for you, but that is the reality of your relationship right now. If you and Ron are meant to be together, think of this as a test of your love, and do your best not to make him feel as if he must choose between the two of you.

John Gray is the author of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.” If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by Email at: All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.