So it falls to Mr. Monday to tackle the story of the week.
Stop Mr. Monday if you heard this one.
A Texas fan walks into a bar. Then he's wheeled out. Very uncomfortably.
This week's Man vs. Crotch story has turned out to be the talk to the town, racking up 60,000-plus hits on NewsOK.com. Just a few more than this weekly exercise in futility.
(Actually, Mr. Monday is huge on the Internets, by the way, ranking in popularity somewhere between the guy who blends stuff up on YouTube and photos of mutated Chinese people.)
A recap for those of you still reading by kerosene lamp: An OU fan and a Texas Longhorn fan (sporting a UT T-shirt) get into a little verbal spar at a bar.
OU fan kicks it up a notch, deciding to take matters into hand by grabbing Texas guy by his Bevos.
He locks on like a beartrap and doesn't let go until there is a tear.
Mr. Monday knows. It's more painful than it sounds. You'll stop gritting your teeth sometime this afternoon.
Texas fan now has a truckload of stitches and OU guy has some charges pending. No joke. Mr. Burnt Orange is really hurt.
Now scoot close, kids, it's time to listen to Mr. Monday's moral code.
Being a crazy fan has always been a puzzle for Mr. Monday, who has never planted a flag in the front yard, worn body paint or assaulted a man based on his T-shirt choice. (Mr. Monday almost once punched a guy who said he'd never seen "The Godfather,” but come on.)
Some innocent guy's tackle box has been sacrificed to the intensity of the Red River Rivalry. (Note to E.Z. Million: Would a home-and-home series cause or prevent more groin trauma? Discuss.)
No ball game is worth sending someone to the hospital, ya hooligans.
It's a game, played by guys in the teens and twenties. They're having fun! They're celebrating the prime of their lives. If they lose, they get over it. Shouldn't you?
Mr. Monday also hopes OU guy comes out and apologizes.
Even Rhett Bomar did that.
There, see how it feels.
That's how you hurt somebody.
