Sharla Schooley was in one of her favorite restaurants, 501 Cafe in Edmond, when a woman at a nearby table started asking personal questions.
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A few days later, it happened again, this time at the Saturn Grill in Nichols Hills. Another approach by a stranger. Another unplanned conversation.
This was during the darkest days, when Schooley made a point of not looking people in the eye, mainly because she wanted to avoid seeing their "sad faces.”
At the time, Schooley was 34 and a busy home builder working to finish nine homes — one in Edmond now listed for nearly $500,000. She owns and operates three home-building companies, Darlington Homes, Brighton Homes and Avondale Custom Homes.
Schooley had given birth not long before and was toting around her baby son, born a month premature, but "he had way more hair than me.”
Schooley was wearing a bandana. It apparently didn't conceal her baldness. Both times, the women in the restaurants recognized Schooley as one of their own — young women who were battling cancer. So they invited her to a group meeting.
The support group, which at the time had met only once and has now grown to 50 members, is called SHOUT. It stands for Strength, Healing, Optimism, Understanding and Together.
Schooley went to a meeting.
"It was God-given thing to me. Two people in two restaurants for the same meeting. I think it was supposed to happen,” she said.
For two years now, she has been a regular.
"I just don't know if I would have gotten through this without them,” she said.
If SHOUT has provided a foundation for Schooley, an entire community — including her church, Oak Hills Freewill Baptist — has built walls of support.
"People ask me how I've done it. I did it with help from a lot of other people and I did it one day at time,” she said.
Day one was when Schooley found a lump on her breast two months into her pregnancy. She didn't think much about it and neither did her doctor, chalking it up to a blocked milk duct.
By the time she was seven months pregnant, the lump was bigger. Schooley became concerned, afraid it might affect her ability to breastfeed. She pushed the issue.
In one wrenching two-hour appointment on a Friday afternoon, Schooley had an ultrasound, her first-ever mammogram and a needle biopsy. That weekend, she went to a baby shower. By Monday, she knew she had cancer.
Breast cancer is considered rare in younger women, striking about 11,000 women annually or about 5 percent of all cases of breast cancer in the United States, according to the American Cancer Society.
Schooley's next step was a lumpectomy. Three lymph nodes tested positive, which meant Schooley had Stage 3 cancer.
The doctors decided to rush the pregnancy by a month and delivered baby Dane Champ on April 24, 2006.
"It was the most awful point in my life. They took him early because of me,” Schooley said.
After a week, baby Dane went home with a monitor for sleep apnea, which beeped and buzzed and woke up the Schooley family up throughout the night.
During the day, Schooley and her husband, Wally Schooley, an administrative manager at Lowe's, went to doctor appointments and chemotherapy, while Schooley's mother and mother-in-law stayed with the baby and his brother, Samuel, then 4.
"I wouldn't leave them until they knew how to monitor the sleep apnea machine. These are women who can't operate a VCR, so it was a scary experience,” she recalled.
In August 2006, Schooley underwent a double mastectomy and another four rounds of chemotherapy.
"I continued going to my job sites and the office. After chemo, I might take off a day or so and get back out there,” Schooley said.
At the same time, she was building a 4,500-square-foot custom home for a couple with four kids.
"I just love what I do. Knowing I'm going to build a family a home makes me want to get up and go even more,” she said.
In addition, she was building another eight homes on speculation in Edmond. Most of Schooley's homes are more than 3,400 square feet and cost more than $350,000.
Home builder Sherry Hamilton, Schooley's long-time best friend, would take over when Schooley couldn't work. "She would just check on jobs if I couldn't be out there,” Schooley said.
In February 2007, Schooley completed her 33 rounds of radiation. "I was completely fried,” she said.
Last May, she underwent a hysterectomy in an effort to thwart hormones that might feed cancer.
Meanwhile, Schooley's sister, Shelva Moore of Tuttle, organized the volunteers clamoring to bring meals to the Schooley family.
"I wouldn't even know some of these people. It was unbelievable. We didn't have to cook or go grocery shopping for months,” Schooley said.
Friend Tammy Ryan, a Realtor with Coldwell Banker Advantage, often brought her potato soup, one of the few things Schooley felt like eating after chemotherapy.
"We all think our lives are crazy and rushed until you meet someone who is battling for their life, their business and their family. It makes you put it into perspective. Through her courage, she has given a lot of other people strength. She is a strong person,” Ryan said.
Schooley is dealing with "pretty ugly” hot flashes and joint pain. She soon will start the first of three breast reconstruction surgeries. Baby Dane is now 16 months old and busy. "He is solid,” his mother said.
Samuel is 5 and a kindergartener at King's Gate Christian School. He is busy too, but not perhaps as busy as his mother.
Schooley has started two new homes since her illness. She is looking forward to playing intramural soccer again.
On Oct. 20, she plans to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. In fact, she will be the team captain for the SHOUT support group, which is walking in honor of a young Norman mother who died recently of breast cancer.
The Norman woman had been diagnosed with cancer and was bald at about the same time Schooley was.
"She had the greatest smile and was an inspiration. I think about her all the time,” Schooley said.
In a world where women have thoughtlessly enthused to Schooley, "You are going to get (a new look) out of this!” the support group has sustained her, Schooley said.
"You've got to talk about it. Share what you are feeling. Say when you are mad. Cancer is not in the plan. I didn't plan to get cancer when I was pregnant,” she said.
Only recently, Schooley invited another young woman to the SHOUT group. Like Schooley, she had been diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant.
When the woman called her, Schooley said she told her, "You are going to wish you were with your baby all the time, but you just have to trust what you have to do and make yourself better.”
From anybody else, that might sound glib. But Schooley knows.
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SHOUT
The Web site for SHOUT — for Strength, Healing, Optimism, Understanding, Together — a support organization for young women cancer survivors, is www.shout-okc.org.
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