Paying parents push wedding ideas

DEAR DAVE • I'm engaged, and our parents are contributing financially to the wedding. But we've noticed that both sets are pressing their ideas of what they'd like the wedding to be like, who to invite and who to include in the wedding party. I know in the end it's all our call. But traditionally, do parents have some kind of say if they contribute money to help pay for the wedding?

Chris

DEAR CHRIS • No. Traditionally, they take a say. And traditionally, they're a pain in the behind! But parents only interfere because they're so excited and love you so much. They want to be part of the happiness and for everything to be perfect.

As soon as a couple deliver a little girl, the mother starts planning daughter's wedding. She's had several years to dream and form an opinion on this, and your mother has probably been planning your wedding in her mind for some time, as well.

Since this is such an emotional event, I think you and your fiancee need to have some reasonable boundaries. But also keep in mind that they're just as excited, if not more, than you two are. When you come to a disagreement, tell them firmly but gently that you love them but that you're going to do things your way. If they're footing part of the bill, they'd have the right to decide not to pay for something. But unless there's some moral issue involved, they probably won't act that way.

I think if you just step back and take a breath, you'll realize what a big deal this is to everyone involved. Chances are you'll also be able to come up with some creative ways to allow them to participate without your wedding losing its identity.

My biggest suggestion to you is to make sure that you're the buffer between your fiancee and the parents. Don't let anyone push her around and do everything you can to make sure your wedding is the day you both want it to be. There's no reason this can't be a fun and joyous day for all.

DEAR DAVE • My husband and I are trying to decide whether we want our own general contractor or if we should just hire a builder for our dream home.

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