Divorce yourselves from the idea of a fancy wedding

Dear Mr. Berko: I'm 24 and teach high school and my husband-to-be is the same age and teaches middle school. My parents would like to have a fancy wedding, which will cost them about $65,000 but they will have to borrow $20,000 to $25,000 to pay for the event. As an alternative, they have offered to give my fiance and me $45,000 if we just have a simple wedding attended by close family and several friends. My girlfriends want me to have a big wedding and so would I, but my fiance would rather take the money.

We've discussed this and decided to put the question to you and we will abide by your advice.

D.E., Oklahoma City

Dear D.E.: You have asked the wrong person because my bias "ain't” in your corner.

In my opinion, fancy weddings are for suckers and social climbing families who become giddy when their names appear in a newspaper's society section. Fancy weddings are for status-seeking brides and grooms who put on the dog to out-fancy members of their social milieu. The excessive costs for flowers, band, caterers, liquor, wedding favors, hors d'oeuvres, food, table decorations, gifts to bridesmaids and ushers, invitations, photography/videography, wedding cakes, venue rental, transportation, wedding gown, tuxedos, a church, a choir and all that other mishmash, minutia and memorabilia are patently ridiculous and laughable — a bloody waste of money. You may soon discover that the wedding industry is a pandering, crass, greedy commercial business with a spiraling culture of expenditures in which participating providers quickly increase the cost of their services and products by 35 to 50 percent.

Last year, more than 2.4 million weddings occurred in the U.S. Those couples and their families spent $88 billion, not counting the honeymoons, to celebrate with friends, preserve memories and satisfy social obligations. None of that is worth draining a bank account and going into debt for five years. You and your fiance may decide to go "splitsville” before your parents pay off their debt to finance your big party.

But the wedding planners know the right, emotional and image buttons to push to mesmerize the gushing bride and her socially conscious family.

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