Give your Valentine what she really wants

Guys, let me warn you now.

If you don’t heed my advice you are likely to disappoint your gal on Valentine’s Day.

Sparing her from having to cook a meal or clean the house one day out of the year is not the sign of eternal love she is looking for.

Many women equate Valentine’s Day with love and romance. That’s why they drag us to see "The Blind Side” when we want to see "Transformers III – The Revenge of the Model Train Sets.” Actually don’t tell anyone I said this. I could lose man points but "The Blind Side” was a good movie.

The way to pick out a good gift for your wife or girlfriend is to watch the "Lifetime Channel” for about 10 hours. The cable network whose motto is "women good-men bad” can open your eyes to how a woman thinks.

When you are finally indoctrinated, you will be as tender as a cut of Kobe beef and unashamed to cry when you miss a putt. Now you are ready to pick out the perfect gift.

So forget the "lingerie of the month club” certificate or the set of scales, when it comes down to it, just let her know you love her and appreciate her every day of the year.

I asked readers to tell me about their disastrous Valentine’s Day celebrations.

Gary Nelson wrote to tell me what happened to another couple: "I took Diana out for Valentine sushi and watched the couple at the next table — sushi newbies — eat the plate of ginger as an appetizer and then unbelievably the lady ate the entire piece of wasabi, Japanese horseradish, in one bite. She had a disastrous Valentine evening.”

But at least it gave them a story to tell their grandchildren some day.