Humans, animals sometimes don’t mix

BY CARRIE COPPERNOLL Modified: April 7, 2010 at 9:19 am •  Published: April 7, 2010
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If you were thinking about genetically engineering a centaur, you can just forget it, pal.

Your state lawmakers are making the world a safer place by preventing such tomfoolery.

A bill that would ban human-animal hybrids unanimously passed in the state House of Representatives and is on its way through the Senate.

House Bill 3078 is bipartisan, because if there’s anything Republicans and Democrats agree on, it’s that centaurs are bad.

I checked in with the Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation, which is huge and scientifically legitimate, to see if they were up to any of this kind of shenanigans.

"We are not making any animal-human hybrids,” spokesman Greg Elwell said. "No winged men coming out of here. Not doing that.”

But who knows what other hybrid mischief is happening in our state?

But this bill could make us miss out on some ideal matches, like overly-protective mothers and kangaroos. Karate instructors and spider monkeys. Knitters and sheep. Firefighters and Dalmatians. CEOs and tigers. Legislators and donkeys.

I might like to be combined with a koala. Then I’d be cuddly and eat more salad. If I was mixed with an alligator, I’d never have to worry about having matching accessories. My shoes, belt and purse would be built in. I’d probably have high dental bills, though.

House Bill 3078 is bipartisan, because if there’s anything Republicans and Democrats agree on, it’s that centaurs are bad.”


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