DEAR JOHN: My husband has cheated on me about four times since we've been married. He claims that he slept with these other women because of my attitude at home and because of his distrust of me. I think he did exactly what he wanted to do, and I have been battling with this realization. Sometimes I want to walk away from this marriage, but, because I have children, I am hesitant to leave. I care about my husband. He is a great friend, but I don't know if I really love him anymore.
— Cheated, in Scranton, Pa.
DEAR CHEATED: Your husband is not a great “friend,” let alone an honest person or a caring husband. His claim that he did not trust you has nothing to do with his infidelity, nor did your “attitude” create this problem. He is unwilling to take the blame for his own actions. Worse yet, he looks to blame you. Staying in this marriage “for the children” is not smart. They can see what is happening. Not only will they lose respect for you, they may take your acceptance as approval for this kind of behavior and copy it for themselves. Is that what you want?
I don't think so. Marriage is a sacred bond between two people who love and respect each other. Ask him to reconsider his behavior. If he won't, then you should reconsider your life with him.
DEAR JOHN: My girlfriend “Cindy” and I have been together for a year, and we have lived together for most of that time. Cindy's ex-boyfriend “Mike” has been a constant obstacle in our relationship. He has our phone number and calls frequently, as much as three or four times a day! In the past, Cindy has cheated on me with him, although she claims she doesn't want to get back together with Mike, but she doesn't want him completely out of her life because Mike is very attached to Cindy's two little girls. Cindy says that she hopes that eventually they can be “just friends.” I don't understand this at all! Is there any real potential for us?
— Wanting it to Work, in Louisville, Ky.
DEAR WANTING: Cindy is stringing both of you along. It's her way of keeping her options open. Frankly, it's not fair to either one of you and is probably quite confusing to her two children, as well. Tell her you need a commitment, but don't hold your breath that she is willing to make it.
You've got a lot to offer some woman. Unfortunately, that woman is probably not Cindy. At this point, it would be wise of you to go back out there and find someone who can appreciate your love and who is willing to return it to you with equal devotion.
Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” If you have a question, send email to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.