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Weather. The La Nina weather pattern could mean that Oklahoma is in for more drought. “La Nina” is Spanish for “The Jerk.”

Pests. The drought is sending grasshoppers hopping to your garden in search of water. Yet another sign of the apocalypse in Oklahoma.

Sports. Rowers from the US Rowing Masters National Championships said they like Oklahoma but not the heat. You and the rest of us, guys.

Crime. Kendrick Perkins gets arrested for public intox and disorderly conduct while he was home in Beaumont, Texas, for his annual kids’ camp. The real question: will his mug shot be nearly as scary as his altar boy photo?

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