Welcome to StaticBlog’s Live Coverage of the 82nd Annual Academy Awards
StaticBlog is doing it all tonight: — the Barbara Walters finale, the microphone bozos on the red carpet, and all 27 hours of the Oscar broadcast. Find a couch or a pile of laundry, surround yourself with corn liquor and hit the comments section — now!
6:01 p.m. Oh, so Sandy Bullock is going to ask Baba the tree question. So this is it: no more after 29 years. It’s probably just as well, since her interviews were veering lately into lame exchanges with cultural curiosities. It was only a matter of time before she asked the Snooki-loompa what kind of shrub she would be.
6:09 p.m. Mo’Nique just told Barbara Walters that she is in an open marriage and doesn’t believe in shaving her legs. Don’t everyone get in line at once.
6:15 p.m. Baba is ending her show because she doesn’t like stares, or scares, or stairs or something. We’re getting a retrospective of popular big hair.
6:37 p.m. She’s signing off with a damn clip job! Guess she couldn’t wait to stop doing the show.
6:43 p.m. Sandra Bullock is “Sayandruh.”
6:48 p.m. Sandra Bullock is “Sandy.”
6:53 p.m. Barbara Walters doesn’t want to say what kind of a tree she wants to be. Personally, I want to be the Tree of Souls.
7:00 p.m. And onward to the microphone fiends.
7:01 p.m. I love how the phrase “legendary actors” was said while Jessica Alba was on screen.
7:02 p.m. Sherri Shepherd, Jess Cagle and Kathy Ireland. Could be much worse.
7:03 p.m. Interesting — lining up all the supporting actress noms. Even if Anna Kendrick and Vera Farmiga weren’t canceling one another out, this is going to be a Mo’Nique kind of night.
7:05 p.m. Asking what Sandra Bullock is going to eat after tonight? Cagle — what the hell? “So… do you like… stuff?”
7:12 p.m. Morgan Freeman named his daughter Morgana. I plan to name my daughter Statiqueblogga.
7:17 p.m. “There’s lots more red carpet excitement ahead.” That presumes that there’s red carpet excitement behind us.
7:21 p.m. I take back what I said about Cagle. Makes me pine for the erudite, incisive work of Billy Bush.
7:24 p.m. Sherri to Susan Bridges: “Your husband looks luh-yummy!” Sounds like a promising name for a midwestern Pinkberry knockoff, and we have nervousness in the presence of Jeff Bridges to thank.
7:27 p.m. According to Sherri, Taylor Lautner is the most famous Werewolf in movie history. Lon Chaney Jr. spins in his hairy grave.
7:30 p.m. What is the deal with this awkward lineup? But hey — we’re getting NPH! Always best to bring in a pro — wish he’d gotten the hosting gig. He should host absolutely everything, including “The Barbara Walters Special.”
7:38 p.m. Steve: “Oh and look, there’s that damn Helen Mirren!” Alec: “Steve, that’s Dame Helen Mirren.”
7:42 p.m. This is kind of great — “Oh my God, there’s Matt Damon!” They’re just harrassing people, and almost making it look random.
7:45 p.m. Penelope Cruz announces Best Supporting Actor:
Best Supporting Actor
Matt Damon, Invictus
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
And the winner is:
That’s a bingo! Christoph Waltz!
7:49 p.m. “Oscar and Penelope — that’s an uber bingo!”
7:55 p.m. McDonald’s ad: “Today, we eat like Olympians.” Yeah, like Olympians that lose.
7:57 p.m. Cameron Diaz and Steve Carell introduce interviews with animated stars of the folllowing
Best Animated Film
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess and the Frog
The Secret of Kells
Up
And the winner is:
“Up.” Great film, but I was pulling for a little bit of stop action.
8:02 p.m. Amanda Seyfried and Miley Cyrus announce Best Song:
Best Song
“Almost There,” The Princess and the Frog, Randy Newman
“Down in New Orleans,” The Princess and the Frog, Randy Newman
“Loin de Paname,” Paris 36, Reinhardt Wagner & Frank Thomas
“Take It All,” Nine, Maury Yeston
“The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart, T-Bone Burnett & Ryan Bingham
And the winner is:
T-Bone and Bingham (Not the Clooney character from “Up in the Air”).
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