Movie review: ‘Vampires Suck’ a toothless parody of ‘Twilight’ saga
Bloody heck! Talk about a couple of jokers setting themselves up to be the butt of their own punchline.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, co-writers-directors of the toothless spoof “Vampires Suck,” walk right into a sucker punch with their latest sophomoric parody of movie genres, this one taking on all things “Twilight.” With the level of humor here running to flatulence jokes, groin kicks and high-school smart-aleck cracks, their movie does, indeed, (surely no other critic in the world will be this clever) SUCK!
No surprise, actually, since these two schlockmeisters have built an unlikely career on obvious, low-brow, aggressively mirthless film parodies such as “Date Movie,” “Epic Movie,” “Meet the Spartans” and “Disaster Movie.” They also pasted together the wildly scattershot scripts for “Spy Hard” and “Scary Movie.”
“Vampires Suck” takes the most obvious path to cheap laughs by riffing, sometimes line-for-line, on the storylines of the obsessively popular “Twilight” and “New Moon” films.
The plot goes like this: After her randy mother abandons her to become a Tiger Woods groupie on the pro golf tour, chaste heroine Becca Crane (newcomer Jenn Proske in a thankless role) shows up in rainy, gloomy Sporks, Washington, to live with her overly protective sheriff father Frank (Diedrich Bader). At her new school, Becca finds herself torn between two hunks – the brooding, pasty-faced Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), who might be a vampire, and the shaggy Jacob White (Chris Riggi), whose raunchy canine tendencies lead us to suspect that he might be a werewolf.
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