20-40-60 Etiquette---What should I wear? Signed, the Groom's Mother

YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!

QUESTION: The bride requested that the mothers wear short dresses for a 2 p.m. wedding and I am the mother of the groom.  I shopped and found the perfect dress and bought it. It was the right color too. Recently, when I visited the mother- of –the- bride, she informed me that she was wearing a long dress to the ceremony and since the reception was later that day and into the night, the dress would be perfect, and she definitely thought I should be wearing a long dress too.

What should I do? Respect the bride’s wishes? Or her mother’s?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: I need more information. Your best bet is to ask the bride, it is her day, and her mom. I do think that both you and the MOB should be wearing the same length dress. Depending on the “shortness” of the dress, both long and short are acceptable.

Needless to say all three of you need to have a little chat.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Traditional wedding etiquette dictates that out of courtesy, the mother of the bride decides first what to wear and then lets the mother of the groom know so that the two don’t clash or upstage one another. I’m guessing that’s what the bride’s mother was trying to do.

However, since the bride already requested short dresses for the 2 p.m. wedding, then it seems like you’ve already done the right thing by respecting the bride’s wishes and proceeding with your apparel plans. If it’s not too late to exchange dresses, then talk to the bride, along with her mother, about where the coordination went off track and go from there. Did the mother decide on her own, apart from the bride? Was their some miscommunication between mother and daughter?

You can’t jump through hoops to please everyone, and it appears you’ve already done your best to honor the star of wedding — the bride. That’s all you can do, so now put on your dress and enjoy the happy occasion.