20-40-60 Etiquette---Thank you! No... Thank you!

YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE

QUESTION: Should I write a thank you note for a thank you gift. Recently, three friends gave me a gift for something that I did for them. I loved it and thought I should write them a thank you too. But, is it enough to SAY how much I appreciated it?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: My family has an inside joke about this, “thank you for thankin’ me.”  A simple phone call is perfect! If you do anything more then it gets to be excessive.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Theoretically, you could end up caught in a never ending circle of thank-yous. Since we began writing 20-40-60 etiquette almost two years ago, people have asked various questions about thank-you notes, such as how properly thank someone who made you a nice meal or how many people to thank for an invitation to an event. So, add to this list of etiquette concerns the thank-you note for a thank-you gift. Whew!

I think in this case, if you’ve thanked the givers in person for the lovely gift that they gave you in appreciation for something, then everyone involved has handled the occasion graciously — you for kind gesture in the first place, them for acknowledging it and then you again with gratitude. And you can build friendships with such generosity, respect and friendship, which, apparently, you already have.

HELEN’S ANSWER: If you opened your thank you gift in the presence of your friends and told them how much you loved it, I think that is sufficient. They know by watching your actions that you liked it.  If your friends were not there when you got the gift, then you should call each one of them immediately and tell them thank you. Thank yous are still important to all of us.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Yvette Walker, Night News Editor, The Oklahoman: Answer: Sure, why not? A card or letter telling your friends how thoughtful they were is never a bad thing. As long as YOU don’t buy a thank you gift for the thank you gift for the thank you gift. And so on … and so on … and so on …