20-40-60 Etiquette---I cannot go to the party

QUESTION: How do I handle this one? I am invited to a wedding shower, but I already know that I cannot go due to a previous commitment. Should I drop off a gift or have it sent online or just not send one since I cannot go?  Then, am I supposed to send a wedding gift too?  Is one gift for both sufficient?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Send a gift if you are not able to make it. Also, send a wedding gift as well. Depending on your personal preference, you can do both. When we are talking ‘etiquette’ send a gift to both.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Any of your ideas sounds like the right way to handle this.

If you cannot go to the wedding shower and are close to the couple and want to do something, then probably your best idea would be to drop off a gift with one of the hostesses. That way the bride can open it on the day of the shower.

However, since you’ve sent your regrets to the shower, I think you could also simply send a bigger gift for the wedding to cover both presents, whether by mail or online, and forgo a shower gift altogether. I don’t know of an etiquette instance where you’re required to buy a gift for a shower that you do not attend, although it’s a nice, meaningful gesture.

HELEN’S ANSWER: If you are invited to the party and cannot go, send a gift to the honoree. Usually, a gift goes to the wedding also. If you are out of time and cannot get a gift to the shower, take it by the house later, or send something really nice for the wedding. Some of the wedding rules can be expanded to suit your time frame and circumstances. Use your best judgment when it comes to gift giving.