Dear John: “Brad” and I have been together for a little over a year. We are very much in love, and we are expecting our first child in three months.
Our problem is that I have sexually explicit dreams, and evidently I talk and act out my sexual fantasies while asleep. I don't recall, however, having these dreams. This upsets Brad. He now has trust issues with me, although I've explained to him that I don't even think about having sex with other people while I'm awake, and I can't control what I do when I'm asleep.
I did the same thing when I was with my ex-boyfriend, but it did not concern him at all. I don't know what to do to make him understand how much I love him. — X-Rated Dreamer, in Waterbury, Conn.
Dear Dreamer: We all have fantasies, and we all have dreams, both men and women alike. Not all of us, however, recall our dreams easily.
What you are experiencing is your subconscious desires, which is something everyone is subject to, including Brad. He may insist that he never has sexually explicit dreams, but the truth is that the average male has five or more erections during each night's sleep.
Fidelity is the act of a conscious mind, while sleep returns us to our more basic instincts. Ask Brad to judge you on what you do while you're awake, not when you're asleep, and promise that you'll do the same for him.
Dear John: I work 35 hours each week in my dad's antique shop. My job entails selling, stocking, advertising, bookkeeping, decorating and other business decisions. Despite this, I get NO salary, although I have 15 years management experience in sales and advertising.
I have more than $1,000 dollars of debt each month. To make up the shortfall, I conduct online auctions for another 30 hours per week. I've also sold all my own furniture. I sit in the dark to offset my utility expenses, and I stay home to save on gasoline. I'm partially disabled, so normal jobs seem out of the question. Past offers have paid so little that I cannot afford them.
— Worn Out, in Paterson, N.J.
Dear Worn Out: From what you've described, I can tell you that you have some very marketable skills. You need to be honest with your father about your financial needs. You don't have to feel guilty about expressing your needs. If your father cannot afford to pay you, or if he does not value what you have to offer, you should feel free to move on.
Because of your circumstances, you may want to start by reassessing your job skills. Many states have online resources for this service at little or no charge. On most of these state-run websites, you can get tips on how to write a resume, post your resume and do comprehensive job searches. You may also want to check out other private career websites. Ultimately, your success is as great as your personal ambitions. It's time to live the life you deserve.
2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.” If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.
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