That’s the first thing that came to mind when I read about a couple House Democrats who introduced a bill today that suggests America spend tax-payer dollars on the construction of a national park on the moon.
Yes, the moon.
My second reaction: We can do better than that!
There are a ton of things more American than national parks, so why not really get creative and make something taxpayers would be proud of contributing to? You know, something that will make you and I say:
5. A baseball or football stadium
Sure, why not. We’re a nation that loves our sports, specifically baseball and football. Heck, baseball is considered to be America’s pastime, right? When’s the last time you heard someone call a national park an American pastime? Never, that’s when. Never.
4. A statue of John Wayne, Johnny Cash and Jackie Robinson
Three great Americans who all happen to have first names that begin with the letter J. Coincidence? I’m not sure.
But what I do know is these three people are important for a number of different reasons, but chief among them:
- John Wayne is one of the most iconic film stars of all time (which gives the moon a connection to America’s artistic side in filmmaking).
- Johnny Cash is one of the most iconic musicians of all time (which gives the moon a connection to America’s artistic side in music).
- Jackie Robinson is one of the most important and iconic athletes of all time (which gives the moon a connection to America’s multicultural side).
I picture the statue being gold (‘Merica!), and all three of them side-by-side-by-side holding their respective “instruments.” That is, if gold can withstand the alien nature of the moon.
3. A Van’s Pig Stand
When I think of BBQ I think of Oklahoma BBQ, and when I think of Oklahoma BBQ, I think of Van’s Pig Stand.
I’ve had BBQ from all over the state and Van’s never disappoints. It’s like the mecca of meat, and I live three blocks from the one in Norman. That means I’m hungry all the time and it also means I’m thankful they have a drive-thru for quick service. (Brisket sandwiches, FTW.)
BBQ has its place in American culture, without a doubt. Click this image to see how much Americans spent on BBQ-related goods in 2012 alone.
2. A statue depicting the Second Amendment
If there’s one thing America loves, it’s guns. And with good reason: This land was founded on combating tyranny and oppression, and the tool afforded to us at the time was the trusty musket.
There are roughly 270 million guns in America right now. That breaks down to about 89 firearms for every 100 people. And one of the most popular models is the modern-day musket: The AR-15. For years Americans have modeled their self defense weapons off what police carry and use: The .38 special revolver, the magazine-loaded semi-automatic pistol, the pump-action shotgun and, recently, the AR-15. If they’re good enough for cops, then people think they’re good enough for personal protection.
So let’s build a nice statue or mural to our love of our Constitution and firearms in awesome fashion, complete with some eagles and the American flag.
1. A Jack Daniels distillery
While Jack Daniels might not be the best whiskey out there, it gets the job done and its beautiful black label is cemented into our nation’s collective memory. It’s as American as apple pie, and goes well with apple pie.
Imagine being able to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels from its moon distillery. That’d be awesome, if not expensive. I’d have an ounce or two, though.
See? It’s not hard to top a national park. (No offense to the national parks currently reading this blog).
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