20-40-60 etiquette: Should I mention a forgotten loan?

If your friend forgets to repay a loan, should you mention it or write it off? The women of 20-40-60 advise.
by Helen Ford Wallace and Lillie-Beth Brinkman and Callie Gordon Published: June 9, 2014
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QUESTION: I went to dinner and the movies with my friend. She forgot to bring her money and asked me to loan her $40. I did so. Time passed, and she did not offer to pay me back. Do I bring it up the next time I see her or should I just let it go?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: I would blow it off. If you feel like saying something, next time you go to somewhere casually say, “Is it my turn to get this or yours? I can’t remember?”

Hopefully that will help her jog her memory. OR you could “forget” your wallet. Ha!

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I think you can be direct with your friend and gently ask her in a nice way.

Forty dollars is a lot of money for an impromptu loan, and I would hate for that to hurt a friendship on either side – yours out of anger or hers out of guilt.

You could also go for a little more vague approach: Maybe the next time you make plans you could even say something like, “Do you want to get it this time, since I got it last time? That way we’ll be even.”

That kind of handling could backfire – it depends on the type of relationship you have with your friend – but it’s a way of evening things out without asking awkwardly for a payment.

I would never mind a reminder, and sometimes I DO forget or get busy – I’m terrible about getting things in the mail – and I would rather keep the friend than have something like that fester.


by Helen Ford Wallace
Society Editor
Helen Ford Wallace is a columnist covering society-related events/news for The Oklahoman. She puts local parties online with daily updates. She creates, maintains and runs a Parties blog which includes web casts. She is an online web editor for...
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by Lillie-Beth Brinkman
Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a Content Marketing Manager for the Greater Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce. She was previously an assistant editor of The Oklahoman
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by Callie Gordon
Freelance Writer
Callie Gordon, a graduate of the University of Oklahoma, is working at Chesapeake Energy in the Environment, Health, and Safety Department. She was previously an event coordinator for Chesapeake Energy.
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