Balance outlook; find hope

By Charlotte Lankard

Published: October 9, 2008

Have you ever longed for ordinary days? No crisis; work completed; laughter; family members content; co-workers and friends pleasant, cooperative and calm.

Much of the drama that goes on outside of us is often something we carry inside of us that spills over onto any unsuspecting person coming our way.

Haven’t you been in a checkout line with a grouch who is berating an employee? Whatever is going on with that grouch is not about the employee or store. It is what they brought when they came in the door.

Perhaps the secret to having ordinary days doesn’t depend on what is happening outside of us but bringing our attention to what is going on inside of us — unfinished business, grudges, resentments and hurts tucked away and occasionally brought out for replaying. Or perhaps it is our longing for something more, bigger or better that keeps us from appreciating where we are and what we have.

When my inner being is in turmoil, it affects every part of my day. Whether I am irritable or whiney or withdrawn, it never fails that on those days, not much goes well.

I suspect every now and then when one of those days happens, we fail to stop and notice and appreciate it, but what if we have a choice?

Understand that life experiences, good and bad, happen to all of us. It has happened to millions of people before us. They survived; so will we.

What if instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, we simply accept that life brings difficult times, choose to look them square in the eye and decide to not be defeated or defined by them? That might mean giving up the role of the victim.

I have friends who keep gratitude journals. Others reach the end of the day, seeing if something surprised them, touched or maybe inspired them.

Looking for the good does not mean denying or covering up the bad, but it does give one a more balanced outlook on life, as well as a sense of hope.

My friend Patsy says, "Life is not about surviving the storm but learning how to dance in the rain.” Perhaps practicing that skill could bring some very satisfying ordinary days.

Charlotte Lankard is a marriage and family therapist and director of the James L. Hall Center for Mind, Body and Spirit at Integris. Web site: www.charlottelankard.com.

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