He said that since about 6:30 the previous night, he felt like he "was only moments away from throwing up,” and could hardly eat, but that he helped keep watch for her. As the chat continued, he complained that he couldn't sleep because of a helicopter flying around with a searchlight and the fact that Jamie's family sat outside his window, keeping watch for her. Underwood went on to say that the girl "seems like a very nice, trusting kid, and that's probably what got her in trouble, if she's not a runaway,” and that he didn't want to tell the parents that he had talked to her because they might suspect him. "I'm afraid the cops would come into my apartment, and see all my knives and swords and the horror movies and documentaries about serial killers on my DVD rack, and suspect me,” he wrote. "And there's always blood all over my bedsheets and stuff, but it's my own blood.” "Man, I just don't know why I was so paranoid about all this earlier. I know I didn't do anything, but I felt like I did. I expected the cops to come in and arrest me at any minute.”
A grisly discovery and a confessionThe day after the last chat, Jamie Bolin's naked and mutilated body was found in a plastic storage container in Underwood's apartment. After his arrest, he told FBI agents that he had been having "weird” cannibalistic fantasies for a few months — about the same time he restarted taking Lexapro, an antidepressant. He told agents that as he sat behind the young girl who was watching cartoons and playing with his rat, he "struggled with himself the whole time,” but the struggle was "kinda” about right and wrong, but also "not wanting to get caught.”
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