I ran into the Food Dude at the Oklahoma State Fair on Thursday.
His real name is Dave Cathey. You've probably seen his videos online or read his stories in The Oklahoman. He's our resident gourmand, a big-hearted guy with a real love of food. He reviews restaurants, judges cooking contests and makes elaborate Mexican meals.
Basically, he's the anti-Ken 2.0.
When I saw him, he was about to interview Amber Vandewarker, who sells chocolate-covered bacon at the fair.
You heard that right: chocolate-
Vandewarker immediately offered me some of it. I declined. "Are you sure?" she asked. "It's really good."
I didn't want to take the chance that she was right. Mind you, it sounds disgusting. I'm quite fond of chocolate on its own, and like most fat men, I've lost myself in bacon's salty embrace many times in the past. It was the idea of combining the two treats that seemed revolting.
The point is, I'll never know if it was good or not, because I didn't try it. Not even when she offered a third time.
The fair is a dangerous place for someone who's trying to get back in shape. Temptations are everywhere. Healthy options are hard to find. Fruits and vegetables are scared to be seen at the fair; they're afraid they'll be captured and fried.
I had to go there. I'd been given a story assignment.
But I took steps to protect myself.
First, I emptied my wallet of cash. That didn't take long; there wasn't much in there.
Second, I brought a snack with me. I slipped a 200-calorie protein bar into my bag. When the smell of cinnamon rolls grew too strong — when I felt my resolve weakening — I ate my bar. It had grown sticky in the heat and looked gross, but it tasted just fine.
In fact, it tasted much better than chocolate covered bacon. I'm sure of it.
Even though I've never tried it.