Divorce: How to divide and conquer
Divorce: How to avoid going broke

By Paula Burkes Comments 1
Published: July 21, 2008

An Oklahoma woman can relate to the mortifying details of supermodel Christie Brinkley's recent divorce. Ten years ago, the woman inadvertently found e-mails that exposed her then-husband's secret life of Internet pornography and multiple sexual partners.

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"I literally was happy one minute and devastated the next,” said the woman. After discovering his secrets, she threw up in a trash can beside the computer. She grabbed her 2½-year-old son and some makeup and walked out of their immense home and moved in with her mother.

She now regrets her hasty, emotional departure and wishes she'd hired a financial analyst.

"I should have put on my business hat,” she said.

Her attorney, accountant and business evaluator were unable to make sense of the 42 storage tubs of documents from her husband's company, disprove he earned more than minimum wage or prove he was transferring assets. Consequently, the woman said, she lost millions in the settlement.

The scenario is all too common, say legal, financial and other experts, who advise divorcing spouses to do their homework before and after a separation.

"If you're planning to leave, be sure, before you walk out, to gain access to the past 24 months' records of all accounts,” said Patricia Goodman, Edmond certified financial planner and one of a few certified divorce financial analysts in the state.

The most difficult divorces can be those with few assets to divide, said LeAnne Burnett, a director at Crowe & Dunlevy law firm in Oklahoma City.

"Many couples are scraping by married,” she said. "Then they divorce and have to try to divide into two households.”

The divorce alone can cost $2,500 to $100,000, depending on how much the parties agree. Attorneys charge from $175 to $325 an hour.

Divide and conquer

Divorcing is parallel to separating a business, Goodman and Burnett said.

"But too often, people want out so badly, they fail to prepare for the lifestyle change — including separate residences and retraining,” Goodman said. "Then they're stunned when they realize they can't afford the settlement they got.”

One spouse, for example, later may realize she can't afford the house she was awarded but can't sell it because the housing market is off. Another may be forced to sell securities, incur taxes and deplete his net worth.

A settlement may appear equal on the date of divorce, Goodman said. "But true equality is projected out five years,” she said.

In Oklahoma, the standard rule for division of assets and liabilities in divorce is what's "fair and equitable.” If a mother-in-law gave a couple $100,000 toward the purchase of their home, the judge may give that back to her and then split the asset. Or, with a divorcing chief executive and stay-at-home mom, a judge might burden the exec with all the marital debt. With a middle-class couple, there may be more of a 50-50 split.

Generally, all the property and debt assumed during the marriage is presumed joint, even if one person's name is on it. Child support is based on a formula that weighs the different ratios of the parents' separate salaries.

Adultery has no effect on custody or property division, Burnett said. The exception is when there's flagrant behavior that may be harmful to children or when it can be proved significant marital funds have been spent on an outside person or an addiction such as drugs, alcohol or pornography.

With divorces involving children, there are three basic issues: property division, support alimony, and time and money spent with and on children.

Playing the detective

Alimony may be awarded up to three years, or one-third to half the length of the marriage, Burnett said. But it's only awarded, she said, if there's a proven need and an ability to pay. "If either is missing, there's no spousal support.” Moreover, a judge can assign income on an unemployed or underemployed spouse who has the ability to earn it.

Goodman urges divorcing parties to work together with a certified analyst to see what their expenses are and what they're anticipated to be.

Among other things, Goodman can spot any money that has been squirreled away, verify or discredit expenses that may be padded and, in lieu of spousal support, provide an alternative buyout number discounted for tax effects. Child support has no tax consequences, but alimony is taxable for the recipient and tax deductible for the payer.

"Bank accounts tell the story, but you can't just look at month to month, or you won't see missing deposits or other clues,” Goodman said. It's like cartoons, which have minimal differences from one cell to the next but multiple differences when flipped fast, she said.

Burnett warns divorcing spouses against emptying bank accounts. "If you withdraw funds, be fair and take only 50 percent,” she said.

Perhaps most importantly, people first should work out their anger and grief issues with mental health professionals, experts say. Otherwise they can waste thousands of dollars spilling their feelings with attorneys and analysts.

In that vein, Oklahoma City attorney Julie Simmons Rivers recommends divorcing parents agree to a collaborative divorce, where they and their respective attorneys sign a contract to fully disclose assets and income, treat each other respectfully and make children's welfare a priority.

"Collaborative divorces make use of resources more efficiently,” said Rivers, president of the Oklahoma Academy of Collaborative Professionals ( www.yourdivorcechoice.com). Collaborative divorces don't go to trial, so there are no court costs, and legal fees can be cut by one third or more, she said.

Now six years past her divorce, the woman who found her ex's Internet porn said she couldn't be happier. She remarried a wonderful man, who adopted her son, and she has her own public relations firm.