Presidential parenting: Good mothers lead by example

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Published: March 19, 2009

Here are some lessons in leadership any mother can learn from author Jamie Woolf and "mom-in-chief” Michelle Obama.

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→Being good at your job can make you a better parent. At the end of a long workday, most of us are eager to leave our professional lives at the office. But Woolf said the most effective parents don’t. In her career in law and public service, Obama no doubt perfected many of the skills she’ll use in her role as mom-in-chief, including conflict resolution, communication, multitasking, time management, crisis management and team building.

"Like the best business leaders, the most effective parents inspire without pushing their own agenda, nurture without micromanaging, encourage without creating over-the-top pressure, and expect the best without ignoring the inevitability of failure and the joy of learning from mistakes,” Woolf said.

→Motherhood is a leadership job. By calling herself "mom-in-chief,” Obama sends a message that being a mom means being a leader, an attribute mothers often overlook in their parenting roles. By celebrating her position rather than apologizing for it, she connects the notion of leadership beyond the corporate suites and presidential mansions to the homes of average parents.

"Once you can begin to think of motherhood as not only a job, but a leadership job, you will be more apt to apply the skills and techniques you use in the workplace more effectively at home,” Woolf said.

→Focus on the big picture. We all know how easy it can be to get caught up in the day-to-day scurry of soccer practice, doctor appointments and packing lunches and forget about the more meaningful goals we have set for ourselves as parents. With two young children and a puppy to corral, and state dinners and sleepovers to host, the first lady will face relentless demands on her time and patience. The trick for her, and for all of us, Woolf said, is making a point to stop and refocus throughout the day.

"By articulating her big picture goal — to put her kids’ needs above other obligations — Obama is more likely to avoid getting bogged down in endless niggling details. She understands what all great leaders understand: that her actions and choices today have long-term effects.”

→It’s OK to delegate. Obama has at times been the major breadwinner in her family — she was vice president of community affairs at the University of Chicago Medical Center before she took a leave to join her husband on the campaign trail — and she knows the juggling act working mothers perform every day. She plans to use her platform as first lady to advocate for policies such as family leave, child care access, and better health care — issues that allow women to better balance work and family life.

In the meantime, women need to call on their own support systems: the other people who live under their roof.

"Don’t be afraid to delegate tasks to your children and your husband,” Woolf said. "Sharing the responsibilities will make your family unit more efficient while teaching your children valuable life skills. As a bonus, you’ll find you ... have more time for fun things like family movie nights and playing outside together.”

→Taking care of you should be a priority, not a luxury. With bills to be paid, dinner to be cooked and homework to be done, many mothers say making time for exercise, let alone a manicure, feels indulgent. Obama has made it clear that being an effective mom-in-chief means finding time to rejuvenate. And when we respect ourselves, we model an important lesson for our children.

"Hey, we’re the only ones who can take care of ourselves, and it makes us better lawyers, better mothers,” Obama told Ebony magazine.

Woolf said, "Taking time away from sibling squabbles and ‘Dora the Explorer’ will make us better mothers in the long run. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t take care of our families to our full potential. By cheating ourselves, we end up cheating our children, too.”