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How The Prince Charming Fallacy is Hurting Your Marriage

Many women look for their own Prince Charming when they get married. But did you know this is actually doing your marriage more harm than good? Find out why.
Aaron Anderson, FamilyShare Modified: July 10, 2014 at 11:46 am •  Published: July 12, 2014

Everyone knows the story of Snow White. She gets kicked out of the castle by her wicked stepmother, goes to live with seven dwarves where her stepmother eventually finds her and poisons her, then she gets rescued by the handsome Prince Charming by the magic of true love's kiss.

Little girls and big girls alike love this imagery. They melt at the thought of finding a man who is willing to put himself in harm's way just to save their princess who they barely know. So it makes sense that when you're dating, you want to find the one for you and when you get married, you expect your husband to be the Prince Charming you've always wanted.

As a marriage counselor, however, I can't help but wince when I watch Snow White— or any of the other princess movies for that matter. I wince because I see the damage this sort of imagery does in marriages every day in my office. Here are just a few ways the Prince Charming fallacy is harming your marriage.

Prince Charming is objectifying

Take a look at Prince Charming, and you'll see that all you know about him is

a) he's a prince

b) he's rich, and

c) he fights off dragons for a girl he doesn't know for the sake of love. If you call it love, how do you love someone you don't know?

You don't know who he is, what he likes, etc. Yet, too often wives expect their husbands to be like Prince Charming: dashing, charming, debonair, willing to go to unreasonable lengths for them, etc. So when your husband likes to play video games instead of doing more "charming" things (like fixing things around the house for you) you feel let down. You think your husband is defective, and you criticize him for not doing more things you think he should be doing.

Solution: Instead of objectifying your husband by comparing him to some external standard, love and appreciate your husband for who he really is. If he likes to play video games instead of being a handyman, that's okay. That's who he is and who you fell in love with. Don't criticize him for not being who you want him to be. He's his own person, and it's your job to love him for who he is.

Prince Charming Does Not Fix Your Problems

In the story, Prince Charming finds Snow White, rescues her, then whisks her off to his castle where she lives happily ever after — and it's all thanks to Prince Charming. The problem with this is that nobody can magically make your life be happily ever after. No matter who you marry, your life is not going to be perfect, and your marriage is going to take work.

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