How to be successful on a first date
How to be successful on a first date

By Heather Warlick

Published: August 11, 2008

So, you're on a date — a good one. And you want to keep it going. You could ask him if he wants to hang out at your place, but if you do, your good date could quickly turn bad. (See Elizabeth Aven's bad date story.)

Your best bet to keep a good date rolling is to be honest with your date. Say something like, "I'm having a really good time. Do you want to go somewhere and have some coffee or dessert?” Then, good conversation is what will keep the date fresh and fun.

Here are some ideas from Aven, Brittany Meadors, 24, of Edmond, and dating experts on conversation techniques that can keep a good date going.

Experts Phineas Mollod and Jason Tesauro, authors of "The Modern Gentleman: A Guide to Essential Manners, Savvy and Vice” and "The Modern Lover: A Playbook for Suitors, Spouses and Ringless Carousers,” agree that you shouldn't script out your conversation topics for your big date, but you should spend a few minutes before the date thinking through some good topics. Keeping in mind that you don't want the conversation to turn into the equivalent of a job interview, the two say that cool conversation techniques are more important on a first date than the food, destination or outfit you wear.

Talk yourself up. If you have a pet cause, a pet peeve or an adventurous streak, bring it to the table. Emphasizing your most unusual traits will paint you as a fun-loving, interesting and sexy person.

In an article written for Match. com, Mollod and Tesauro have revamped some of the old, tired interview-style topics of yesterday into some clever and catchy conversation starters for today:

•Old: Where do you see yourself in five years?

•New: What are some of your crazy dreams and lottery-winning fantasies?

•Old: What are your strengths?

•New: After quitting time, which passions and pursuits keep you out late? How do you relax on the weekends?

•Old: Why did you apply for this job?

•New: Before we both went for the same dryer at the Laundromat, who noticed who first?

•Old: How did you hear about our company?

•New: I'm glad Tia and Gino played matchmaker. What was it they said that piqued your interest?

•Old: I've told you everything you need to know. Do you have any more questions?

•New: Well, I've admitted I am a tennis fanatic and amateur painter who occasionally blows extra cash at the dog track. Now that you know my secrets, what's one of yours?

Aven adds that to keep a conversation on the right track, don't get too racy.

She went on one blind dinner date with a guy who kept making sexual innuendos, talking about past lovers and making indecent propositions to her. "It was creepy.”

She cut that date short and never took the guy's calls.

"Some people, if they feel comfortable with somebody, they start telling too much, about their flaws or about bad things that have happened to them,” Aven said. "They get way too open, and that scares people off.”

Meadors advises steering clear of conversations about your past relationships.

Do not talk badly about your exes and definitely do not curse.

Here are more first date "don'ts” from "Tesl Goddess,” an Associatedcontent.com contributor:

•Don't drive too aggressively or become openly aggravated with other drivers. A first date is a time for both people to give a good first impression, and losing your temper over any situation will be a "giant red flag” that will send her running in the other direction, away from you.

•Don't discuss politics or religion. The old cliche is true. A discussion of religion or politics does have a chance of creating a deeper connection between the two of you but is actually more likely to create a first impression of incompatibility.

•Don't make racist or homophobic comments. Aside from just being plain rude and ignorant, this sort of behavior is totally unacceptable on any level and especially on a first date.

•Don't give up too much personal information. A first date is not a therapy session. Do not discuss topics such as your bad relationship with your mother or the fact that your dad left when you were young and now you are mentally damaged.

•Don't get drunk. Having a couple of drinks or sharing a bottle of wine with your date during dinner is fine, but tying one on before or during the date is not, especially if you are the driver.

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