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How to ride the marriage rollercoaster

Riding the marriage roller coaster isn't easy. With these tips, riding through the hard times will become a little easier.
Kilee Luthi, FamilyShare Modified: June 23, 2014 at 11:37 pm •  Published: June 29, 2014

Like a roller coaster, a marriage is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, the marriage can be terrifying. Sometimes there are major corkscrews that make one feel ready to black out. And sometimes, marriage is a complete thrill.

The thrill, excitement, and bliss of marriage is easy and fun. It’s the hard times —the extreme lows, dropping off steep ledges, and painful corkscrews — that are the kickers. Those are the times one might want to jump off the coaster.

The marriage roller coaster isn’t easy, but it can be done. Remembering two things can help ease the terror of the coaster: enjoy the good times, and ride out the bad times.

Enjoy the good times

Take every good moment for what it is worth. Cherish the joys. Each joyful moment has the power to help push through the hard times marriage brings. Don’t take any good moment for granted. When the good times come, let them come, let them envelop you, and let them carry you onward.

Ride out the bad times

We all know the hard times are. . . hard. Some of these instances are completely excruciating. Sometimes we want to give up rather than ride it out. Difficult times in a marriage can be ridden out gracefully when we have empathy, vulnerability, patience, and love with our spouse.


In marriage, many hardships can come from actions of the spouse. For the marriage to work, and to make it through this low part of the coaster, empathy is crucial. Recognize the spouse is suffering, too. When the spouse expresses his thoughts or feelings, validate them and show him you understand. Dig deep within yourself to find your experience with pain. Your experience with pain shows an understanding and enables empathy on your part. Realize that pain and sit with them. Empathy is invaluable in marriage.

Showing empathy will allow for a deeper connection and bonding experience in the marriage. At times, when spouses may feel like enemies, showing empathy can bring forth an attitude shift that could be surprisingly miraculous and healing.

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