If it’s stupid, it could be really big on reality TV
By David Zizzo
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Published: October 29, 2009
Shh! Don’t tell anyone, but I’m hiding in a box under my desk.
Everyone thinks I was sucked into a turbine at a hydroelectric plant while floating on an inner tube because I tweeted, "Oh no, I’m getting sucked into a turbine at a hydroelectric plant while floating on my inner tube.”
In a while, I’ll just pop up and say, "Whew, that was a close one. Thank goodness I was able to grab a saucer-shaped helium balloon that floated by.”
And then maybe I can have the American dream: A TV reality show.
Reality TV is what modern Americans use to distract ourselves from the grind of going to work, raising families and doing daily things; you know, reality. Instead, we prefer to watch other modern Americans yell at each other, scheme, cry, curse and eat bugs.
Reality TV shows are cheaper to make than fiction TV because all you need is a TV camera and people willing to do anything. Actually, all you need is the TV camera because, as anyone who has one knows, whenever you turn it on, people willing to do anything will just gather in front of it.
Of course, you’ll also need a "premise,” you know, something for the people in front of your camera to do. Your premise should make people think: "That’s so stupid they wouldn’t really put that on TV, would they? I have to watch to find out.”
Your show will be watched by many people until they figure out that going to work, raising families and doing daily things couldn’t possibly be as bad as watching your show.
At this point, you’ll have to go to Reality TV Plan B: adding celebrities. By celebrities we mean anyone who can be recognized, even vaguely, including some people who at one time gathered in front of your camera.
Or anyone who has done anything stupid enough to become famous. Hiding in a box, for instance.
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I personally believe locally produced and network television will go away in 10 years. Red Box and Netflix will be everyone's choice.