It’s wrong to keep a police badge, even if it’s useful
Get neighbors to clean up, ‘arrest’ spouses

By Carrie Coppernoll

Published: November 11, 2008

Finders keepers, losers weepers. Or maybe finders weepers if the finder goes to jail.

Jennifer Goff Campbell, 33, of Midwest City has been charged with misdemeanor larceny of lost property in connection with an Oklahoma City police badge missing since June. Campbell told police she found the badge in a strip club parking lot, according to an affidavit.

There are plenty of things you ought to return if you find them: police badges, cell phones, wallets, someone’s pacemaker. Then again, there are plenty of things in strip club parking lots you shouldn’t pick up in the first place.

But Campbell told police she never showed it to anyone, that she only kept it because it was "neat.” This was probably a smart move. I, on the other hand, would have made the wrong choice in this situation, which would have resulted in more criminal charges. But it would have been hilarious.

I would have showed it to everybody. There are so many great things you could use it for:

• Flash the badge to neighborhood kids who trample your flower beds or to neighbors who let their dogs use your lawn as a bathroom. Threaten to arrest on the spot.

• For single people, use it to get dates. Tell someone you feel like it’s a crime you aren’t together. For married people, use it to pull rank on your spouse. Say he or she is under arrest if they don’t do the laundry.

• Make a lap around the block. Visit all your neighbors with trashy yards and say you’re with code enforcement. Tell them to mow their yards, take down Christmas lights from last year and get rid of the broken-down car in the driveway.

Your thoughts!