Jail uniforms: not flattering, but practical

Too bad. Horizontal stripes tend to be unflattering on the belly area. But then again, if you’re a hardened criminal, you probably don’t care.

Officials at the county jail recently began dressing inmates in segregated housing in black and white stripes. Everyone else is stuck with bright orange.

I like the idea of designating prisoners by their uniform. It immediately lets guards know who belongs where. In fact, the program should be expanded. There are tons of other uniform color options for inmates besides the stripes and traditional orange. You could identify all kinds of inmate groups.

• Green: Anyone who’s sick.

• Pink: Troublemakers.

• Polka dots: Troublemakers who are afraid of clowns.

• Tan: Boring inmates.

• White: Ghost inmates.

• White with rhinestones: Elvis fans.

• Black: Dieters who want to look slender.

• Red: Large men with white beards.

• Zebra print: Anyone who’s committed a crime at the zoo.

• Plaid: Scots.

Maybe this overcomplicates things. To keep it simple, jail officials should narrow it down to the three most important groups: regular inmates, very dangerous inmates and Elvis fans.