I'm writing this on Friday, a few hours before I have to go see a surgeon about my hernia.
I'm not terribly nervous, although that may change as my appointment draws nearer. I have a gut feeling, if you'll pardon the expression, that Dr. Jeffrey Bender won't want to operate. If that's the case, I certainly won't try to change his mind.
Whatever he decides, it'll be nice to know one way or the other.
See, I got some bad news on Thursday. I got on the scale and found that I'd gained 2 pounds. It wasn't unexpected, but it wasn't exciting, either. Basically it means that my overall weight loss in the past month is a whopping one pound. I lost three and gained two back.
I know why, of course.
The results have been predictable. My weight loss slowed and slowed. This week, it stopped and changed directions.
Here's what I think happened:
I enjoyed lifting weights, but I got scared after hurting myself and learning I had a hernia.
That's understandable and acceptable.
But then I turned it into an excuse. "I can't lift weights. I don't want to hurt myself worse." I made up reasons — perfectly valid reasons, from a certain point of view — why I couldn't do cardio every day.
As for the cereal, well, it's full of fiber and ... stuff. Good stuff. Just ignore the sugar and other carbohydrates and calories. It's better than candy, after all. Tastes great, too.
Basically I've been coasting, telling myself I'm doing fine while fully aware, on another level, that I'm not. My blog posts have dropped off because it's a lot harder to justify poor decisions in print than it is in my head. It's tough to 'fess up and face the music.
You've all been great about supporting me. You've encouraged me and told me I'm a role model. You've said you're proud of me.
Lately I haven't earned it.
I have to do better.
P.S.: It's a few hours later. I just got back from OU Physicians. I'll need surgery to fix my hernia eventually, but not yet. The doc cleared me to lift weights again, so it's time for me to get reacquainted with the YMCA. Hope to see you there!
Staff Writer Ken Raymond began a yearlong weight loss and fitness journey on April 1.
Here are his stats:
Height: About 6 feet 1 inch
Beginning weight: 307 pounds
Current weight: 281 pounds