8:00 p.m.: It is time. Who will be “The Voice”? Will it be Muskogee’s The Swon Brothers or 16-year-old Texan Danielle Bradbery, both representing Oklahoma country music star Blake Shelton’s team? Will Blake get a “The Voice” three-peat for his 37th birthday? Or will it be indie pop-rocker Michelle Chamuel, who is competing on Team Usher? We’ll know in two hours, and it’s gonna be a long two hours, folks. At least there will be lots of music …
8:01: Host Carson Daly just introduced the Top 3 as “three of the most talented artists in the country.” So it’s already a big night for The Swon Brothers. Now, cue the first (but I’m sure not the last) montage …
8:04: Carson says “The Voice” had unprecedented voting, and all the songs made the top 10 on the iTunes chart. He says “Trust me when I say it’s anybody’s to win.” The suspense may kill me. Of course, a performance by Pitbull and Christina Aguilera, coupled by the knowledge that Xtina is back in one of the big red chairs next season may prove fatal. Not a fan of either of these two or their remix of a reasonably entertaining song (A-Ha’s “Take on Me”) into a mishmash of irritating noise and insipid lyrics. Here’s a question: Which performance will be more annoying, this one or Florida Georgia Line with Nelly?
8:11: Shakira says the standout moment of the season and the two-night finale has been “the caliber of the talent on this show.” She compliments her fellow coaches and wishes Blake a happy birthday. He thanks her for the cake she got him. Have a mentioned I’m gonna miss this sweetheart when Xtina comes back?!
8:12: Adam Levine is backing off a bit from his declaration last night that Danielle will win this year just because it’s so close this year.
8:13: “I don’t give a crap about a three-peat,” Blake declares. “It’s about this year.” He says The Swon Brothers, Danielle and Michelle have done what it takes to win, and they should be commended. Usher says that if Michelle wins that he will take it as a sign that people appreciate her talent and hard work. Happy birthday, Blake!
8:15: For their “bring back performance,” The Swon Brothers are bringing back fellow Team Blake contenders Justin Rivers and Holly Tucker, plus Team Adam’s Amber Carrington, to do Lady Antebellum’s “Stars Tonight” with them. Great lineup. They look like they are having a ball representing contemporary country music on national TV.
8:23: Now, social media correspondent Christina Milian is showing homemade video of mostly cute kids doing imitations of the four coaches. Plus, she’s got video footage of Blake telling Danielle that she will be performing tonight with Hunter Hayes. Girl squeal!
8:25: Now, Carson is getting all pseudo-serious about the bromance between Blake and Adam and how it’s going through a crisis now that the new coaches have arrived. There’s lots of lame insults and “shut-ups” going on. “Usher has awakened new feelings in the depths of Blake’s heart,” declares Shakira. Now, the “I loves you” are between Blake and Usher. But Blake says the bromance between him and Adam isn’t over. “I hope you two kids can stay together. America needs it,” Carson says super-seriously. That was ridiculous and hilarious and just wrong.
8:27: Anyway, Tulsa native Ryan Tedder and his band OneRepublic is up to performing their infectious new single with help from Michelle Chamuel. It goes without saying that even if all of them fall of the stage, this will be better than the first celeb performance of the night.
8:30: OK, that was a pretty great performance in its own right, without comparing it to Xtina and Pitbull’s nonsense. Seeing Adam sitting on Blake’s lap right before the commercial break was just wrong, though.
8:34: Oh, look, it’s a montage! Here’s a montage of Usher’s coaching techniques, and not to be outdone, Blake’s doing a silly version of Usher’s unorthodox coaching with The Swon Brothers and Danielle going along with it. “The way he taught me how to catch the notes, it was life-changing,” Danielle deadpans while wielding chopsticks and wearing a crazy headband. Now, there’s fake crying by Blake and a birthday wish for him. This show is just indulging his natural ridiculousness. “Hey, it’s the finale,” says Carson.
Cut pounds of stomach fat every week by using this 1 weird old tip.