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Mars and Venus: Husband has online relationships

Mars and Venus: Online chats have wife worrying about affair.
BY JOHN GRAY Modified: April 10, 2013 at 8:58 am •  Published: April 10, 2013

DEAR JOHN: Most of my boyfriends have cheated on me, so I find it hard to trust men. Despite this, I have been with “Ted” for three years.

I have always felt he was different and that I could trust him — until recently. Someone said that they saw him at another woman's house, and that he was cheating on me. I confronted Ted about this, and he admitted he was there, but she was only cooking him dinner as payment for fixing her car. Ted claims that when she started hitting on him, he felt uncomfortable and left. I'm still angry because Ted allowed himself to be in that position in the first place. He says it won't happen again and that he is sorry. What if he isn't telling the truth?

— Uncertain in Lakewood, Ohio

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Trust is an important cornerstone in every relationship. You are an example of someone who is afraid to trust again because of your past experiences.

If you ever want a chance at a fulfilling relationship, you are going to have to move beyond your fear to a place of trust. Put down in writing your pain and anger over this issue, and ways this fear is holding you back. End your letter to yourself with the goal of establishing a trusting relationship again — possibly with Ted.

Ted says he was not intimate with the other woman, and you have to take his word for that. Unless you have proof otherwise, you should believe him and try to judge him by his actions, not by your suspicions.

John Gray is the author of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.” If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.