Mediation Institute helps solve family disputes

BY TIM HENLEY

Published: November 30, 2008

In 1992, Jim Stovall created the Mediation Institute, a nonprofit organization that provides mediation services for families.

As the institute’s director, he usually counsels 12 families a month.

He has a criminal justice degree from the University of Illinois in Chicago and a master of divinity degree from Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa.

He previously taught mediation and negotiation classes at the University of Oklahoma, Oklahoma State University and the University of Central Oklahoma.

His goal is to help clients resolve their differences without going through a lengthy court battle.

Q: When offering mediation services to a divorced couple, what is the most common problem?

A: I think that people who go through divorce often fight over their kids, and too often their children become the battleground. When that happens, it’s a tragedy. It’s hard for parents to look at their children’s needs. When the parents themselves are going through a lot of turmoil, they tend to put their own needs first. In mediation, we try to create an environment where people can relax and look at their children’s needs.

Q: Why should couples go through a mediation process instead of the legal system?

A: Sometimes the legal system increases the fighting. They go to court, and sometimes it gets worse from there. Sometimes, people will spend $10,000 to $20,000 in a custody battle, and their situation is worse than before. If they go in front of a judge, the judge does not know their children the way the parents know their children. The parents have to ask themselves if they want to make the decisions or if they want to have someone else make the decisions for them. When they go to court, the judge imposes a decision upon them, and people will fight it. Even if it’s not a bad decision on the part of the judge, people will still fight it because it’s not their own decision.

Q: Do you have problems dealing with your clients’ attorneys?

A: Most of the time, attorneys support mediation. Most of the time, attorneys want the case to settle. Sometimes, attorneys will refer cases to mediation. I think there are a small number of attorneys who do try to prolong the litigation.

Q: Have there been any couples who just can’t be helped through mediation?

A: In about 90 percent of the cases, we are successful in helping people reach an agreement that is satisfactory to both sides, but there are some cases that don’t settle. People are often surprised at their outcome. People come in thinking that their case will never settle, and their partner will never agree to anything. Once they really have an in-depth conversation, they realize that they’re not that far apart.

Q: How do you remain neutral during your mediations, especially if you know that someone is completely wrong?

A: If someone is making outrageous demands, I always try to really listen to that person more closely and try to acknowledge their perspective. As a mediator, I do try to be nonjudgmental. Even though I might not agree with this person, at least I can acknowledge their perspective.

Q: How much is the mediation fee?

A: It’s usually about $100 per hour. People usually do three or four sessions.

Q: What other types of mediation services do you provide?

A: I’ve done mediation with adoptive parents who don’t want the biological parents to be involved. I’ve also done mediation with adult children who have disagreements on whether to put their parents in a nursing home. People typically feel better when they go through mediation because they feel ownership over the outcome.

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