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Men confused by bikini babes, golden tickets

By Jackie Papandrew Published: January 29, 2009
You can always tell when a sunglass-wearing guy is trying to stare at bikini bodies without getting busted. His head seems to be frozen on his neck, never moving as he seemingly stares far out to sea. He wants you to think he is having profound thoughts about the need for world peace. In reality, of course, his eyes are rolling all over the place behind those glasses, trying to take in all the bathing beauties walking by without getting whacked with a bottle of sunscreen by his wife or girlfriend.

Sometimes, a poor sap will overdo it and wind up with a severe case of Exhausted Eyeball Syndrome. I think that’s what happened to my man. He’s still trying to pry his eyeballs loose from their respective sockets. But I suspect he’ll recover by summertime.

The good news is that recent research indicates men exhibit improved cognition and creativity after exposure to pictures of good-looking women in bikinis. (Yes, someone actually got paid to conduct this research.)

I say we show these pictures to all those financial geniuses running our tottering economy. Maybe then we all can get a golden ticket.

Syndicated columnist Jackie Papandrew is a Bartlesville native and a University of Oklahoma graduate. Visit her Web site at


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