Mom's code of conduct for son's smartphone use goes viral
Janell Burley Hofmann honored her 13-year-old son's “maturity and growth” at Christmas with his first iPhone, but it had strings attached — in the form of a code of conduct.
NEW YORK — Janell Burley Hofmann honored her 13-year-old son's “maturity and growth” at Christmas with his first iPhone, but it had strings attached.
Eighteen strings, to be exact, in a written code of conduct that placed the mommy blogger at the center of the debate over how parents should handle technology in the hands of their teens, especially younger ones just entering the world of social networks and smartphones.
Thousands of people, including those bemoaning too much helicopter parenting, commented and shared the funny, heartfelt agreement posted by the Cape Cod, Mass., mom of five. The interest crashed her website and led her to appear with her eldest, Gregory, on morning TV.
Hofmann's first order of business: “1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?”
She included caveats that some parenting and tech addiction experts consider crucial in easing new entrants onto Facebook, Instagram and shiny new mobile devices:
You must share passwords with a parent, answer their calls, hand over said device early on school nights and a little later on weekends. You must avoid hurtful texts and porn and pay for a replacement if your phone “falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air.” Of the latter Hofmann advises her teen, “Mow a lawn, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.”
Hofmann said in an interview that she decided on the contract as she pondered the power of the technology she and her husband were about to plop into their son's world. She was looking for a way to be present in his phone use without being a “creeper,” his word for stalky, spying parents.
She wasn't surprised that her list, which Greg agreed to, resonates with other parents. It also resonates with psychologist David Greenfield, a technology addiction specialist in West Hartford, Conn.
“We have ritualized the gift of the smartphone,” he said, yet many parents don't have the know-how, stomach, time or interest in actively guiding kids when they jump into digital life. For some parents, he said, it's only when things go horribly wrong that attention is paid.
He knows of parents who jammed Internet and cellphone signals at home when they couldn't get the kids to power down. Police in Rocklin, Calif., said two girls, ages 15 and 16, used a prescription sleeping medicine to spike milkshakes of one's parents so they could log on the Internet after 10 p.m.
Greenfield recommends contracts such as Hofmann's, if parents follow through. Others creep using apps and monitoring software. He thinks that's fine, too.
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