Negativity makes Oklahoman writer's successes difficult to celebrate

Ken's weight is changing, but his mind isn't keeping up. It may be time for him to quit calling himself "fat."
By Ken Raymond Published: August 22, 2010

This kind of negative thinking is not helping my efforts. I've written before about how part of me doesn't seem to want me to succeed. It'd be easier to give up entirely, to go back to eating whatever I want and whenever I want. I've given in a few times recently.

I went four months without eating at McDonald's once. I've done it four times in the past couple weeks.

Fast food isn't a treat for me. It's a punishment I inflict upon myself for some sin, real or imagined. I have a bad day at work and sabotage myself with bad food. I miss a workout and think, "Why even bother continuing?"

That same impulse fuels my poor self-image.

The other day, I heard something a Weight Watchers instructor told her class.

The instructor, a therapist, said it takes 20 compliments to override the emotional damage caused by a single insult. That rings true to me.

My wife can tell me I look good all day long. Others — sources, co-workers, friends, readers and supporters — can say I'm doing great.

It won't matter. Not until I believe it myself.

Staff Writer Ken Raymond began a yearlong weight loss and fitness journey on April 1. Here are his stats:

Age: 41

Height: About 6 feet 1 inch

Beginning weight: 307 pounds

Current weight: 275 pounds

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