Every spring, the nightmares return. Always, they're a demented version of the moments just after 7:30 p.m. 10 years ago. That's when “the worst tornado ever recorded” — as I call it — ripped apart my neighborhood in Moore. My memory is this: I drive from work in time to see the spinning monster moving away. I walk over downed, sparking power lines and through mud. I climb into the ruins of my home. I realize, as if in slow motion, that the garage, the roof and most of the outside walls are gone. My neighbors' homes look as bad. I stand in my living room, trying to see what belongings were spared. I hear eerie sounds and look up to see ripped sheets and torn plastic flapping in the wind from what is left of trees. In my dreams, I'm standing there again. I'm desperately looking for something under the broken bricks at my feet as the constant flapping noise gets louder and louder. Those nightmares show up especially at nights after tornado sirens have sounded. At least I don't wake up cursing as much. I loved that home. I lived there 15 years. It had been my grandma's. Before she died, she said it was mine now and to take care of it. I felt I let her down. I didn't rebuild. I sold the lot. Some Oklahoma State fan lives there. As a Sooner, that sort of bothers me. I married my best friend, Diane. We live in Edmond. Like any time your life is changed in an instant, I learned lessons. A personal one was the hardest. For years, I lied to myself and others, saying my loss only bothered me for the first week. After all, I wasn't in the house when the tornado struck. As a newspaper reporter, I've seen many who suffered worse. I am a tough guy. I told myself that over and over. I decided one day that it isn't so wrong to be a little crazy and short of breath during tornado warnings. I've felt better since. One practical lesson was costly. Over my years there, I failed to keep track of how much the house had gone up in value. By 1999, it was underinsured by thousands of dollars. I didn't know until I got the insurance money. It's something I advise friends to check.