EDMOND — Dear John — gulp, does any letter that starts like that lead to good? We'll see.
Dear John C., I'm getting just a tad bit antsy now. This long-distance, online but-not-actually-all-that-digital home refinance should be well under way. I'm sure it is, but, you know, I have to wonder.
You called and asked for more information. I sent it immediately by email and by fax, as you requested. And then in a few days, on Dec. 11, you snail-mailed to my lovely house in Edmond a Request for Additional Information, directly from Wells Fargo Home Mortgage, 800 Walnut St., Des Moines, Iowa.
Did I mention that my house is lovely? It's a nice place, surely worth every penny I'm wanting to borrow to pay off the second mortgage and to use whatever is left to make it even lovelier. Maybe more. And that's not hoohah. I do follow homes prices and trends, ya know.
Oh. Right. This is business not personal. Business. Not personal.
“If we do not receive the above requested items, we will regrettably be unable to give further consideration to your credit request,” you wrote. “ ... Your cooperation in helping us complete your application package will allow us to provide you with a superior level of customer service and reduce the time associated with the processing of your application.”
John! Buddy! Wells Fargo and I have been tight since 1999, when we first took out our home loan with Norwest just as y'all were merging. We renewed our vows, as it were, in 2001, when last we refinanced.
Then, early in November, after months of wooing by Wells Fargo — and some time spent shining up my credit scores — I decided to try to take the plunge again to take advantage of the loan rates of a lifetime. And now, you doubt me!
Heh. Just kidding, ol' pal. I do understand the need for redundancies to be built into such a complicated transaction. But yes, if the Internet and the fax machine are to be trusted — LORD, hear my prayer — you have the additional information you asked for.
I confess I'm hoping, since I just tried to call you and, of course, got a recording.
Hey, you're swamped, I know. A mortgage specialist in Oklahoma City is following these updates on my refi process and he let me know: “All mortgages are taking longer, especially with ‘big boys,' the top five lenders,” he wrote. “They refuse to staff up to assist their borrowers.”
Say it ain't so, John. Tell your bosses you need some backup. Housing is in recovery. Business is getting better. Time to put some money into the company — no doubt there is money to put into staffing.
Granted, the local mortgage guy did add: “And some of the reasons why are due to our ‘fabulous' federal government. And I use that term very tongue in cheek.”
I'd say he was being kind, as Congress and the White House barrel along, threatening to leave all of us like Wile E. Coyote: for one stunned second in open air just off the edge of this so-called “fiscal cliff,” the next in a free fall to the stock pens at the bottom — the ones filled with so much BULL.
Let's you and me not get caught up in that mess, OK? Expedite! Or to put it in my own native vernacular: Let's get 'er done!