Dear new homeowner,
Before long, if you haven’t already, you will experience a malady that may surprise you as much as Buyer’s Remorse — that pang of panic that afflicts surely almost everyone the night of the day they sign on the dotted line and commit to making a monthly mortgage payment for 30 years, or far, far into the misty future, as it is generally understood to anyone under 40.
This second sickness you can expect the first time an appliance quits, the wind blows down a section of fence or the toilet won’t quit running.
Call it Former Renter’s Regret.
“Can’t I just call the landlord?” you will think at first before reality sinks in.
No, no you can’t. Ever.
You may think: “Well, I am a new homeowner. This regret will pass. I soon and happily will forget the ease with which I could make a telephone call to deal with such minor headaches. After all, I live here. This is not a hotel stay.”
I have news for you: You will never, ever, be free from the desire to be able to call the landlord, the manager, or somebody. Ever.
Here’s the upside
Now, what will happen is the joys of home ownership, if you are fortunate, will overcome the tedium of regularly maintaining a house and the occasional panic that comes when a big-ticket problem blindsides you like a section of gutter, packed with wet leaves and shingle particulates, cascading off the roof deck onto your head as you head out to work. (Learn these terms).
You will love having a dog, even when he digs holes under the fence, prematurely acquainting you with your neighbors.
You will love being able to run the heat as high or the air conditioning as low as your heart desires, until you get the bill.
You will love being able to paint a room chartreuse or mauve or in a Holstein pattern — ha, ha ha ha, ha! There is no “the man” to stop you! You will love it until you decide to move up and your Realtor comes as unglued as the PVC pipe under the kitchen sink that you did not fix correctly, because Off White is the Only Color Allowed in a House For Sale. (I think this is on the real estate license exam at the Oklahoma Real Estate Commission).