He eats lunch by himself. He hears students making comments about his clothes and saying he’s poor. He just tries to stay out of trouble.
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He thinks no one can help.
The 14-year-old is likely one of thousands of Oklahoma students who will encounter bullying during the school year if the latest numbers available hold true. During 2006-07 there were more than 12,000 incidents in state schools of bullying or harassment.
The seventh-grader, who didn’t want to give his name, said bullying happens frequently in his school in the Oklahoma City area. The student, who contacted The Oklahoman at the request of Oklahoma City School District administrators, said he and other students don’t report it.
"What’s the point of doing that if it’s not going to change?” he said. "They’re still going to follow you, hurt you.”
Students can feel like no one cares, Nancy Willard, director of the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet Use, said while speaking last week at the state Education Department’s Safe and Healthy Schools Conference.
"They’re not going to report unless they think the adults will handle the situation effectively,” Willard said. She spoke to teachers about cyberbullying and encouraged them to investigate cyberbullying because it may signal direct bullying.
"You cannot tell the bully from the online material,” she said. "Don’t immediately assume that the student is the origin of the problem.”
Steve Wessler, who spoke Thursday at a Stop Hate in the Hallways conference, said mediation can stop bullying before it escalates to violence. Wessler leads the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence at the University of Southern Maine and is former Maine assistant attorney general.
He said violence and bullying often are linked.
"This is an issue not just about how kids talk to each other, but also about violence,” Wessler said.
Wessler said people must change the climate in schools, teaching students to object to degrading language and bullying, since most incidences occur out of the sight of adults.
Many districts have anti-bullying and violence prevention programs. Norman Public Schools established Rachel’s Challenge, named after the first student killed at Columbine. The Oklahoma City School District has Heart of a Champion, a program targeted at reducing absenteeism and bullying, and districts like Edmond provide peer mediation training for students, a more formal way for students to object to bullying.
The Oklahoma City student said he hopes more teachers will talk to students and help students like him.
"I don’t know what to do, so I just stay to myself,” he said.
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I know what you mean ronnie. I went through the same thing with my dad. Talk about the spanking i got. It used to be called disciplining your child, now it's abuse? what happened to the punishment fitting the crime if you did something just kind of wrong you got 1 spanking, you got more if it was bad enough. Now they call it beating your child. I guess i just missed it when the line was drawn by the higher ups that you can't spank your child in public. Oh, and kevin i have personally seen i child just get spanked in the store and somebody called them in. But, i do agree with you that there is no reason for shaken baby. I think you should have to have a license to have children. There are certain people in this society that should have a mandatory vasectomy so they can't reproduce and contaminate the rest of the world!!!!! Then maybe one day things will be like they used to be and parents won't be in fear of disciplining their children.
Years ago, I was in an assembly at school when something new was being discussed...child abuse. These people told us that if we felt we were being abused by our parents to contact DHS because this was illegal. That evening my mother told me to do something,,,,I like almost all know-it-all 12 years old disrespected my mother and said do it yourself. My mother took me by the arm and went into the room and got out a belt and began to give me a proper spanking (which was needed). Immediatly following the 1st shot on my rear I yelled out....this is child abuse I am calling DHS and turning you in. I will never forget my mothers next words.......She said in that case I will show you child abuse and the spanking got harder. The problem is simple....the kids today have the upper hand due to parents and teachers alike being afraid of the consequences of their own discipline and the kids know this. The same people 15 years ago that said,,,,we shouldn't be spanking children its bad for their self esteem,,,are now the same idiots wondering what has happened to this generation of kids. I am a parent now of 4 boys and am also a school teacher, I am for bringing back the power of discipline without fear. But, hey thats just my opinion.....and man did I learn a lesson that day...don't talk back to mom......lol
As far as I know, it is NOT against the law to spank a child unless they are in DHS custody. The deal is that if you leave marks or bruises, there would be the risk of teachers, doctors, child care workers, etc. acting upon their legal requirements to make a report to child welfare. Although there is no excuse for 'shaken baby,' I see nothing wrong with 'shaken teenager.'
the teenage deaths are not just from violence, in fact, very few are. More children in this state will die from Accidents or disease than violence. Most bullying isn't violent, it's verbal. Mostly from the kids whose parents have money and it's toward the kid whose parents don't. I went through it and never once thought about killing somebody. Todays kids are so spoon fed this sugar coated version of life that they can't handle it when life kicks them in the a**. It's becoming increasingly worse since you now can't even spank a child in public. I was in wal-mart the other day, and a child was crying because mommy wouldn't buy him a toy. which i'm pretty sure the case is this. He was good in the store and she'd buy him a toy, everytime from what i gathered, and with the economy the way it is she couldn't do it this time. What are all these children going to do? these children have been getting rewarded for doing what they are supposed to do and it sickens me. The children of today are spoiled, lazy, arrogant, know it alls. I know that my son will not grow up to be like this. Everything goes back to the parents. But, there's nothing the mom could have done with this screaming child because if she were to spank him DHS would have been there in a second to take him because of abuse. So what is a parent supposed to do in that situation?
Fists are better than guns. My son was being picked on in school when he was in the 5th grade he let it go and let it go. And every teacher that was on the playground didn't notice till my son had enough and charged them with his fists. well he and all the kids involved were suspended. I didn't condone his actions but I was proud that he stood up to them. And it was all about my son playing soccer (which he has played since 5yr) on the playground and it was all about, he wasn't the right race. Let's just say he had an american flag on his shirt.They are friends now! Not just kids but parents need to learn our kids are going to die if we don't stop the violence. There is more teenage deaths than ever before. They are killing each other and it is sad. A bad kid can become good just like a good kid can become bad. my son now is in the 9th grade I keep him busy with music and sports. But that dosen't keep him from being in a line of fire intended for someone else.
That lesson had nothing to do with Columbine. Columbine was inattentive parents and children that were not taught coping skills. Children are not taught to cope with problems in life. They are taught that everything is fair and they are entitled to whatever they want in life. When bad things happen, we send in the psycho-analysts, instead of teaching children to cope. You should read "One Nation Under Therapy" by by Sommers and Satel. Teach the victims to not be victims! According to the latest study, Children do NOT suffer from a lack of self-esteem. They suffer from to much self-esteem. We have raised two generations of citizens that expect someone else to deal with their problems. The bully should be forced to handle the consequences of their actions. The victim should stop being a victim.
I agree that you can't allow them to be victims. I had one girl in school that would hit my shoulder in the hall, talk smack, ect. One day she hit my shoulder in the hall, I dropped my books and got tired of it. We fought, both got a swat and went on. She never messed with me again. Now that I am a parent, I try to teach my child that she should treat others the way she wants to be treated. I show her pictures of people I went to school with then and them now. She sees that growing up poor (like I did) doesn't dictate who you become. The "cool" kids ended up still living with mom and dad years down the road.
No one ever said it wasn't! Those bullies need to be dealt with but, children need to learn how not become or stay a victim, as well. Learn to do something about it if no one else will. No one ever became a greater person by staying a victim all their lives.
I commend this young man for speaking up and I commend the OKC School District for encouraging him to do so. There needs to be a forum (such as our Daily Oklahoman) to give a voice to these very legitimate concerns. These kids deserve to be heard. That's all anyone really wants. . .just take a look at some of the comments about this article. . .some of you definitely seem to want to be heard. Why not name the district, name the school where the bullying is tolerated. I'd be willing to bet that before too long, you'll begin to see a pattern develop. You'll also soon see what school's and districts are truly addressing the problem and what schools are continuing to give it "lip service." Remember too as for the data, it's only as good as the school/administrators that are reporting it.
This isn't about "liberals," lack of competition, lack of corporal punishment, or needing "a little church time." I grew up in the 80s/90s when there was plenty of discipline (including corporal punishment) and competition, and I was bullied to no end in school. The administration didn't care and largely blamed me -- a well-behaved bookworm -- for the behavioral problems of my maladjusted peers. On several occasions, boys tried to corner me and beat me up (I'm female). The admin offered up the "boys will be boys" excuse, and teachers told me to "ignore" the bullies.
The problem is that no one has really cared about the impact of bullying. People act as if it's some childhood rite of passage. It isn't. It's aggressive and antisocial behavior that must be corrected. It's also an indication of deeper problems; the bully might be abused at home or suffering from other troubles. It's in everyone's best interests to deal with bullies.
discipline! We can't discipline our children in our homes or our schools. I remember swats or a ruler as a punishment given when I was in school. Now, we take their computers or their Play stations away. All material things these day..Our parents spanked us when we did something wrong. I don't mean abuse. But a good sting on the butt didn't damage us.
"a little more church time"? Oklahoma has the largest number of churches per capita in the US. Also, the most crazy people, most obese people, among the highest teen pregnancies, you do the math. Churches are a business in Oklahoma. They are not doing the job. Parents want the schools to raise the kids, then complain when they do something the parents don't like. Hey, parents, get involved or shut your mouths and let the state do it's job. Everyone want's someone else to take care of their problems. That is why Obama was voted into office.
There's another word for bullying--assault and battery. The last time I heard, that was still a crime, though I also understand that if a kid turns someone in, they would be branded as a 'snitch,' which would subject them to a fresh round of bullying. Unfortunately, as the fruit seldom falls far from the tree, these kids are likely displaying parental attitudes.
Teachers can't fix every problem these kids have. It should be a parents job to teach a child "lifes not fair" and not everyone is equal. They should be taught not to treat another person badly because they don't have nice clothes, or their parents don't have a nice home or car. And the ones that are being bullied need to be taught to work hard to do well and just be happy. And, maybe we all need a little more church time!!
What these kids need to do is step up to these bullies. A bully will do one thing if you put them in their place, they will find somebody else smaller. They are cowards. But, all these liberals and soccer mom's have made it to where you can't even fight in school anymore. When i was growing up and you got into a fight you got sent to the principals office and you two had to talk it out and they sent you back to class. Now you take a chance at getting expelled what a joke. Kids will fight and there will always be bullies. They can't stop it. It's up to the kids.
Bullying has been an age old problem that can't be cured by mediation. In fact it probably causes bullying to escalate since the guilty party will seek to retaliate against the person who turned him in. They will become more sneaky in the ways that they do it. What a joke. Edmond schools needs a reality check to realize that their classrooms are filled with a lot of snooty kids from a lot of snooty parents. Peer mediation, my foot. What a joke.
Now we gotta look at the ugly mugs on the front page of Voices instead of having a main area to voice our opinions. Who put that clan in charge of being the voice?
Perhaps along the way and after we deal with the bully, we should teach our students not to be victims. Maybe, we should stop teaching our children that life should always be fair and that they are entitled to whatever they want. Public schools should go back to teaching students that they need to work for what they want and not expect it to be given to them. I realize that goes against the present teaching trends under Liberals. Competition needs to return to education.
Someone should tell Edmond schools that Peer Mediation doesn't work in bullying situations. For PM to work, both parties have to want a solution - not the case in bullying.
It's great that the victims of bullying are finally being helped, but there were no comments in the article concerning what is being done with the bullys.
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Violence and bullying
The state Education Department’s 2007-08 incident report shows the incidents with the greatest frequency:
• Truancies: 21,866
• Fighting/mutual altercation: 18,274
• Bullying/harassment of students: 12,152
State law
Oklahoma Senate Bill 1941, which took effect Nov. 1, includes electronic communications in the definition of bullying. Cyberbullying includes:
• Flaming, or fighting through electronic communication.
• Harassment.
• Impersonation.
• Cyberstalking.
• Trickery.
Source: Center for Safe
and Responsible
Internet Use
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The problem is that no one has really cared about the impact of bullying. People act as if it's some childhood rite of passage. It isn't. It's aggressive and antisocial behavior that must be corrected. It's also an indication of deeper problems; the bully might be abused at home or suffering from other troubles. It's in everyone's best interests to deal with bullies.