5 targets of those who are offended by their own meaninglessness
5. Meaningless litanies of drivel seemingly categorized by ordinal numbers
4. Dogs named ‘Field Goal’
3. Cats named ‘Bulls Eye’
1. Your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free; the wretched refuse of your teeming shore
5 reasons my back hurts
5. Grampa is getting too heavy to carry to the feed store.
4. The feed sack is getting too heavy to carry to grampa’s bowl.
3. Grampa’s bowl is getting too heavy to carry to grampa’s cage.
2. Grampa’s cage door is getting too heavy to open.
1. Grampa’s TV has to be emptied of waste frequently.
5 reasons not to be offended by your own meaninglessness
5. You’ll be reincarnated as a human candle on a urinal cake in a stripper bar whose clientele consumes only Milwaukee’s Best and powerful diuretics.