Should extracurriculars be forced on kids?
Parenting: Several mothers and a psychologist weigh in on potential benefits of outside activities for children

Should parents force children to pursue activities (music or athletic lessons, for example) to learn things that can benefit them?

• Maureen LoBue: The lesson is not to do something we hate just to say we did it. I quit clarinet as a kid. Do I regret that? No. I hated the clarinet, and I still hate clarinet! But I also joined the track team. I wanted to quit several times because it was hard work. But when I ran, I loved it, and when I won, I loved it even more. The moral of the story is that anything you enjoy doing is worth working hard for.

• Sue Schafer: We told our kids that when they made a commitment to play an instrument or participate in a sport or take on any extracurricular activity, they had to commit to participate for the run of the activity. So, if you wanted to play soccer, you played for the whole season whether you loved it or not. Our commitment was to support the activity whole-hog. If there was an opportunity to get any extra experience, we pushed our kids to go for it. Don’t forget volunteer opportunities or student coaching or refereeing. Our kids should know that the activities in which they participate have a purpose in the larger world.

→Sharon Brinkman: I got some good advice from a mom in a musical family. She told me not to force my younger children to practice their instruments. Until they are about 10 or 11, just have them go to lessons and practice five minutes a day. Once they have some maturity and more ability and desire, then step up the practice. This has worked well for my son, who plays violin. I keep the practice schedule light, and he looks forward to class and, according to his teacher, does really well. He is at the point now where he will practice more than last year because he wants to do well in the class.

• Paula Glenn: It is important to balance school, play and rest. Consider adding extracurricular activities in the summertime when students are on break, or sequence the novel activities so that your child can focus on one extracurricular activity at a time during the school year. Also, remember many important life skills we learn come from simply … playing!

• Peggy Mitchell: If you had your choice as a child to take "it” or not, what would you choose? Not to take "it.” I firmly believe that a child’s judgment is not in sync with their future benefits. There are some reasons that we are parents, and one reason is to guide our children for their future.

Experience with the arts, sports and the outdoors can teach social skills, expand attention span, develop a work ethic and reinforce academics, said Craig Pohlman, a psychologist and author of "How Can My Kid Succeed in School?” (Jossey-Bass, $19.95). Music classes, for example, often weave in history. Studying a foreign language can bolster English skills, too.

"Parents should be transparent with their children about why they are promoting specialty classes,” Pohlman said. "Adolescents can appreciate the rationale, especially when it comes via a give-and-take dialogue as opposed to a parent-dominated lecture. Younger children also can comprehend long-term rationales if they are explained in developmentally appropriate ways.”

Finally, make time for your interests, Pohlman said. "Modeling curiosity and the pursuit of hobbies and affinities sends a message to kids that such activities are important.”

McClatchy-Tribune Information Services

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