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Skip 'Liz & Dick' and watch a film they headline
The best Lohan can muster as a comeback: a roll of the eyes and an impatient sigh.
And what of Burton? He was an acclaimed Shakespearian stage actor when he took up with the Queen of the Silver Screen. He was also a boozer, a brawler and a silver-tongued charmer who could reduce Liz to heavy breathing when he countered her proposal that "We go to the pool" by declaring, "We don't need a pool. I've got a whole ocean in you."
Australian-born Grant Bowler ("True Blood," ''Ugly Betty") does his best to portray Taylor's Welsh leading man. But Bowler is most notable for not looking at all like Burton, while instead bearing a striking resemblance to Burton contemporary Christopher Plummer. At times "Liz & Dick" appears to be a fantasy where Lohan hooks up with Plummer (now 82) in middle age.
For those who simply must watch this film, the high point is scenes re-created from the 1966 Taylor-and-Burton drama, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" They attempt to pull off a credible rendition of this classic film. Instead, Lohan and Bowler seem to be spoofing it on "Saturday Night Live."
On his and Taylor's second wedding day, Burton, loutish as ever, toasts their tortured relationship thusly: "They love, they drink, they fight, they fornicate, they marry, they divorce, they marry again. Really, how long can this show run?"
How long, indeed, the viewer will be wondering.
"Liz & Dick" comes down to this: It doesn't do Taylor or Burton any favors (nor, of course, could any such trifle do their legends any harm).
And whatever Lohan's hopes for a comeback at 26, this flyweight endeavor won't restore any luster to its fallen star.
If only it were worse!
EDITOR'S NOTE — Frazier Moore is a national television columnist for The Associated Press. He can be reached at fmoore(at)ap.org and at http://www.twitter.com/tvfrazier