The quadrennial World Cup Q&A:
Q: Why do soccer announcers yell "GOOOAL!" for three minutes whenever someone scores?
A: Because the word is used so rarely in soccer.
Q: Why is soccer so popular in other countries?
A: Because in other countries they call it football, and everyone loves football.
Q: Why isn't soccer popular in the U.S.?
A: We have football.
Q: Why is the World Cup played only once every four years?
A: Because like swimming, ice skating and gymnastics, you can only care about soccer for a few weeks every four years.
Q: Why can't players other than the goalkeeper use their hands?
A: If they could, it would be rugby, and rugby doesn't have vuvuzelas.
Q: What are vuvuzelas?
A: Long tubes that soccer fans use to try to blow the ball into the net when they get tired of waiting for the players to kick it in.
Q: Is the goalkeeper the only soccer player who can use his hands?
A: Other players may use their hands for a "throw-in," to adjust their socks or to gesture in disbelief when referees make ridiculous calls.
Q: Why doesn't soccer have instant replay?
A: It does, if you count videos of ridiculous calls by soccer referees on SportsCenter.
Q: Can you explain "offsides" in soccer?
A: Whenever a player gets behind a defender and into scoring position, offsides is called to prevent overuse of the word "GOOOAL!"
Q: Is soccer dangerous?
A: Yes, especially for fans.
Q: What can be the result of hitting a soccer ball thousands of times with your head?
A: Concussions, short-term memory loss and, in rare cases, a goal.
Q: What happened to the French team at the World Cup?
A: The players discovered their teammates were arrogant French people.
Q: What does a yellow card mean?
A: A flagrant foul, such as adjusting an opposing player's socks while he's in scoring position.
Q: What about a red card?
A: A really flagrant foul, like hitting the referee thousands of times with your head.
Q: What do you call it if time runs out after each team scores one goal during a match?
A: A high-scoring game.