Can't stop the run and can't stand prosperity and can't free DeMarco Murray.
If these Sooners are driving you batty, don't fret. You're in a big club.
But as we count down to the Texodus this weekend, take heart in something other than the Longhorns' apparent impotence.
The Sooners, perhaps by necessity or perhaps by experience or perhaps by sheer sick and tiredness, suddenly can navigate their way through a close game.
OU beat Cincinnati 31-29 Saturday night on the Ohio River in a rousing game with a familiar script. For the third time in September, the Sooners played well early, jumped to a solid lead and held on through a hairy fourth quarter.
And that's not all bad. Maybe Bob Stoops' team is learning how to gut out games.
The Sooners now have won six straight games, starting with Bedlam last November, and the margin of victory of those half dozen were 27, 4, 7, 30, 7 and 2.
"Last year, we lost how many games by one point?" Stoops asked Saturday night in Paul Brown Stadium. "We kept saying, one or two plays would have changed the complexion of our season. We've made 'em this year."
The '09 Sooners finished 8-5 with losses of 14-13 to BYU, 21-20 to Miami and 16-13 to Texas. Stoops left the Cotton Bowl last October with a record of 6-11 in games decided by four points or less.
Just for grins, John Blake's record in such games was 7-5, so let's not yet declare that coaching determines close games.
A close-game record as bad as Stoops' can be achieved only through bad luck and bad performance at crunchtime. Maybe this newfound prowess in close games is a sign that fortune and guile has changed.
"We always talk about winning tight games," said unlikely OU hero Pryce Macon. "To be a championship team, you have to win these tight games and actually close 'em out."
This Saturday, for example. Don't look now, but OU-Texas has returned to its thrilling ride of yesteryear.
From 1998 through 2006, no OU-Texas game was decided by single digits, though a couple of those (2001, 2002) were legitimately tight affairs.
Since then, we've had three close finishes, even though a late Texas touchdown raised the '08 score to 45-35.
So fourth quarter dexterity again matters in Dallas.
It certainly mattered in Cincinnati. The OU defense gave up big plays and the OU offense slumbered, but a few Sooners stood up and made something happen.
Macon, with his fumble-causing sack. James Hanna, with his wrestling exploits after a muffed punt. Landry Jones and Trey Millard, who teamed on a soft little touchdown pass when a field goal wouldn't have been enough to seal victory. Ryan Broyles, with his heads-up recovery of Cincy's last-minute onsides kick.
Those are plays that were missing in past crunch times.
Those are plays that take a good team to a higher level. Let's be honest about these Sooners. They are quickly proving to be no powerhouse.
Broyles and Murray are players for the ages, but no defensive superstars abound. And phenoms like Broyles and Murray are hamstrung when paired with a so-so line and a limited quarterback.
So this is not one of Stoops' best rosters. This is not 2001 or 2003-04 or 2008.
That doesn't mean the Sooners can't win big. It just means to win big, OU will have to win close on occasion or even frequently.
It's a good sign that the Sooners so far are doing just that.
Berry Tramel: Berry can be reached at (405) 760-8080 or at